In Which We Get The Ball Rolling

So our initial adoption application has been accepted, we've been assigned a social worker, and we're on our way!  And, of course, the first thing we have to do is fill out this fourteen page packet where we answer approximately eight billion questions which are meant to get us really thinking about issues we may run into while parenting an adoptive child.  None of them, I am sad to say, are multiple choice.  This is our opening teaser to the sheer mountain of paperwork we will have accumulated by the time we are finished with this process.  We'll slog through all of it, I'm sure, though I may be a bit tired of writing by the end of things.  Expect short blog posts when we're in the thick of the process.  Or long whiny ones-- one of the two.

Anyway, thanks for all of the well wishes as we start our adoption journey, folks!  I'll do my best to answer the questions you've asked so far about Sylvie while respecting the fact that she's not "ours" yet. 

We don't know whether or not Sylvie has been fitted with hearing aids yet, but my guess, since it's not mentioned in any of her files and she is also totally non-verbal, would be "no."  We're not sure of the extent of her hearing loss, either, but based once again on the fact that she's totally non-verbal I would guess that it's relatively profound.  What technology we might consider for her, be it hearing aids, bone conduction aids, cochlear implants, etc would be contingent on what kind of hearing loss she has (we don't know), how severe it is (ditto) and how she is developing.  We're huge proponents of total communication around here (feeling with our current non-verbal child that ANY communication is good communication), and though we don't know anything for sure yet my guess is that a kid who's not talking at all and is being fitted for a hearing device at five or six years old is probably not going to be a great candidate for an oral program.  So we'll just have to see how she's doing.  I'm now pretty close to fluent in Signed Exact English and Jeremy is in advanced classes, so we'll continue learning.  Hopefully sometime in the next year I'll start ASL classes so I can eventually be fluent in that too.  I believe right now Sylvie is totally dependent on sign language, and that will probably remain her main form of communication.

What sign language it is she's learning we're not exactly sure of either.  This is because the orphanage social worker, when asked about it, claimed that sign language was "universal."  Right.  I'm taking an educated guess and betting that she's learning Thai Sign Language, which is the national sign language over there and is used by the majority of the Deaf community.  It's has its origins in ASL, so hopefully the transition between the two languages will actually be smoother than it probably would be if she was speaking Thai and transitioning to speaking English.  This is pure speculation, though-- she could be learning Pig Latin for all I know. 

That's one of the things about adoption-- you end up with a whole lot of questions you won't have the answers to until you meet the child.  Some of the questions-- things about birth family history, medical history, and background of the child-- these are questions you may never have the answers to.  We're going to have to take a lot of things on faith; though we will get the chance to send our questions over to the orphanage, there's no guarantee we'll get any answers.

Oh well.  It'll give us something to talk about on our breaks from filling out paperwork.

~Jess

In Which We Go Shopping And Have A Random Encounter of Awesomeness

Today my mother-in-law and I left Connor with Jeremy and spent eight hours out looking for patio furniture: a housewarming gift from Jer's parents and several other relatives.  We're big on comparison shopping around here.

We finally cobbled together the perfect set with selections from three different stores, and the results are lovely!  I'm sure we'll get a lot of enjoyment out of them this summer.  When we were finished picking up the last piece we stopped by Caffe Adamo, one of Jer's and my many, many coffee shop hangouts, to rest our understandably weary legs.  We were sipping our yummy drinks and chatting about our shopping trip when Mom noticed that the people behind us were using sign language.  A young couple and an older man had come in separately and were having a conversation about signing classes in the area.  I introduced myself and my mother-in-law, and the five of us proceeded to exchange pleasantries in a mix of ASL, SEE and PSE.

That's when the barista came out from behind the counter and started signing.

What are the odds of four different groups of people in a coffee shop independently of one another all knowing sign language-- especially since only two of them were Deaf?   It's the frequency of encounters like this makes me sure we're living in the right town.  One of the guys we talked to works at the YMCA that we visit all the time.  This brings the number of people we've met in the past year who know either ASL or SEE and live in the Puyallup area to seventeen, and these are random encounters--we haven't even attended a Deaf coffee night! 

What a great day in a great town!

~Jess

School Visits

We visited two schools yesterday. One school has beautiful amenities, handicapped accessible everything including THREE playgrounds, a fully equipped therapy room with sensory swings, mats, climbing stairs, etc, and a great special needs class. It also has no SEE-- the aid Connor would possibly be assigned knows ASL, which might as well be Greek to him. The other school has a non-handicapped accessible playground, a gymnasium for a therapy room with all of the stuff piled behind a couple of tables, outdoor walkways between buildings (which means Connor will be out in the rain a lot) and a great class where everyone except the peer mentor (who has a deaf sibling), including the teacher, is Deaf or HoH and SEE or PSE is used for all teaching. Everyone in the class (except for Connor, if he goes there) is otherwise a typical kid without special needs.

So we have a hard decision to make. Do with go with the school with great facilities and a classroom with curriculum more suited to Connor's current development but no SEE? Or do we go with the school with poor facilities but typical peers and Connor's form of communication?

~Jess

Studying SEE During Military Deployment?

So leaving the building after sign class tonight, I made everybody wait in the dark by the door while I searched for my keys-- which turned out to be looped around my finger. Yeah.

The really sad thing is that this is not the first time this has happened.

We're slowly gearing up around here for Jer's upcoming deployment, and right now we're trying to figure out the best way for him to keep learning Signing Exact English (SEE). He's a little behind me because he has much, much less time to study, while I sit around the house all day signing for lack of anything better to do. At any rate, we're not sure how much time he'll have and what technology he'll have access to, but we'd really like to figure out a way for him to see someone signing in addition to just reading the lessons on paper. I'm thinking I might have to set up a video camera and sign all the vocabulary, and then either e-mail it to him or send it to him on DVD, depending on what he has access to. Anybody been in a similar situation?

We're also trying to get Connor ready for his daddy's deployment, and make sure that he remembers Jer while he's gone. Our current plan is to take a video tape of Jer reading and signing some of Connor's favorite books and singing some songs, and then Connor can watch it every day. We're trying to figure out the best way to explain Jer's leaving to Connor, too. We have a video, which involves Elmo's daddy deploying, but unfortunately at two years old Connor does not yet read closed captions, so it doesn't really help. I'm going to try to find a few books that are written for military families to help with this sort of thing. I'll also be looking for books dealing with going to preschool at the same time. Provided I can find my keys to get to the store.

~Jess

Primal Scream Day

I've been trying to do more interpreting for Connor in areas such as meetings, parties, doctor's appointments, performances, and conversations. I feel like he gets left out of a lot of things that could be learning opportunities for him, plus it's a good way to work on my interpreting skills. The problem is that I'm still pretty slow while signing, so I get way, way behind and have to paraphrase to catch up. I'm sure this probably drives Connor nuts, but the only way I'll get faster is to keep practicing, and we can't really just have an interpreter follow us around all day, so I'll keep doing it.

As a consequence, I've developed a list of pet peeves. Since Ellen over at To The Max has declared it Primal Scream day, I'll be sharing them with you. I know we're supposed to do it in all caps, but I can't bring myself to do it. Oh well. This isn't really a primal scream, anyway-- more like a list of whines.

PEOPLE WHO TALK REALLY REALLY FAST: I know it's in your nature, and you shouldn't have to slow down for me, but I'm still on your first sentence and you're already done talking and impatiently waiting for me to reply to you. Slow down a bit, for the love of God.

PEOPLE, ESPECIALLY DOCTORS, WHO USE REALLY REALLY BIG WORDS: Your sentence involved the words sphygmomanometer and photoplethysmograph, when you could have said blood pressure cuff and oxygen saturation levels. We all know you are really, really smart-- you made it through medical school, after all. But do you realize I have to finger spell all of these words? Do you realize I can't spell most of these words? It makes for really slow going.

PEOPLE WHO WORK WITH SPECIAL NEEDS CHILDREN WHO HAVE BEARDS: My son cannot lip read if you look like Santa Claus. I know there are lips in there somewhere and it is your personal style choice, but if you work with anyone who is having to lip read, shave.

PEOPLE WHO LOOK AT ME WHEN THEY ARE TALKING TO MY SON: Sure, I'm the one telling him what you said. But he's going to think that eye contact is not part of a conversation. If you want to ask him a question, ask him, not me. I'm going to start giving you his answer while looking at that potted plant over there.

PEOPLE WHO THINK I AM DEAF BECAUSE I AM SIGNING TO MY SON AND START TALKING ABOUT US TO EACH OTHER VERY LOUDLY IN THE GROCERY STORE: Yes, I can hear you. I am not Deaf. And yes, I can shop in the grocery store all by my very own little self, bless my little heart. Watch me start talking very loudly and signing to my son about how rude you are for saying those kinds of things about people when you think they can't hear you. Also about your weight problem.

Ahem. Rant over.

~Jess

SEE

We had our second-to-last SEE class of the year last night. I'm trying to figure out a way to continue classes next semester right now. Jer will be gone for training the entire month of February, so that makes child care difficult.

It's incredibly difficult to find a babysitter for a child with as many medical needs as Connor has. Our respite care worker, Katy, is fantastic. She only works weekends for us, however, as she has a full time job as well, so that means I need to ask around and see what I can find.

If we can't figure out someone to watch him, I'll go back to what I did last year, and have Connor's Family Conversations therapist bring the lessons out. It's not ideal, but it's certainly better than no lessons at all.

We've been learning SEE for about ten months now, and I have to say I'm really enjoying the classes. I've gotten to the point where I can hold a conversation without any real difficulty. Jer is a bit behind me, but this is because I have many, many more opportunities to practice SEE during the week than he does. We're going to have to figure out some way to let him keep studying while he's deployed. Maybe I can videotape lessons and send them to him or something. He's very, very quick at picking up sign when he does have a chance to practice, and I'm sure he'll continue to learn.

I've picked up some tricks to help me learn more vocabulary and become more fluid. I listen to country western songs in the car (though I don't particularly care for country western music) and Christmas carols this time of year so that I can sign along to the music at stop lights. It gets you some interesting looks from the cars next to you--especially if you are in the car by yourself-- but is pretty helpful. Country western music has the advantage of having a lot of very slow songs with very simple words, so that makes it easier for me to sign to them. I also have learned the signs to almost all the picture books in Connor's rather large collection. That helps me pick up words that don't come up in everyday conversation.

I try and set myself vocabulary goals based on what we're doing that day. If I'm making beef stew one night for example, in the morning I'll learn the signs of all the vegetables and kitchen utensils I'll be using, and that way I can talk to Connor about the stew in the evening as I'm cooking.

Once I become fluent in SEE, I plan to start taking classes in ASL. Despite that, we'll probably always use SEE for Connor.

Let me explain the difference between the two and our reasons behind that decision.

American Sign Language (ASL) is a completely different language from English, with it's own set of grammatical rules, slang, and proverbs. Structurally it's set up more like French, and it's impossible to speak and sign ASL at the same time. It's the predominant language of those who sign in the Deaf community.

Signed Exact English (SEE) is not a separate language from English. It's simply a different medium to portray English in, like writing. You speak and sign at the same time with SEE, and unlike ASL, all of the slang, saying, etc are exactly the same as English.

We use SEE with Connor instead of ASL for a number of reasons. Connor is HoH, and when he was first diagnosed his hearing loss was fairly mild, so he was already understanding some English. He deals with cognitive delays due to his wide variety of neurological issues, so we didn't want him to have to start over on learning language since it took him so long to pick it up in the first place. It would be very confusing and difficult for him to learn two languages when he struggles with just one.

Due to his poor motor skills, Connor will probably never be able to respond in correct ASL or SEE. He currently has about 40 home signs (signs that he has made up) that he uses with motions that his arms and hands can do, but he's not able to do the complex moves with his fingers needed to sign accurately. I would expect we will eventually transfer him over to using a computer and picture communication to give him a way to speak with a wider vocabulary than he has the motor skills to sign. We will use any method possible to let him get across what he wants to say. However, we will still need to talk with him by sign. SEE gives him three different ways to understand what we're saying-- hearing, lip reading, and sign. Even without his hearing loss, Connor would probably have been ataxic (non-speaking) and we began looking into teaching him a sign system long before we knew he was HoH. I think it should be considered as an important tool for not just Deaf and HoH children, but those hearing children with cognitive and motor skill delays-- especially those who are completely non-verbal or severely language delayed.

If we adopt another child who is Deaf or HoH and who doesn't have any cognitive delays, we'd probably talk with them by SEE until they reach school age to give them a good base in structural English, and then switch to ASL unless we're talking with Connor at the same time. From the Deaf friends we've talked to, it's pretty easy to learn ASL after you know SEE as it's much more conceptual and many of the signs are the same. I think that each system of language has it's own benefits. It will depend entirely on the child and their individual needs.

~Jess