In Which Long Distance Relationships Are Not Fun

I'm throwing myself a bit of a pity party over here at the moment-- Jer and I went on our very first date around this time of year a rather appallingly long time ago, and I'm getting all sentimental and missing him bunches.

It's been nineteen months now since Jer and I have been living in different states while he attends Army PA school, and I have to say I don't think things have gotten any easier.  There are times I can lose myself in the daily routine of taking care of the kids and the house, and then there are other times  I miss him so much I can hardly breathe.  

It's not like he's deployed-- we talk on the phone literally every day, and I get to see him once every
three or four months.  He's not in harm's way, and with only eleven more months to go we're well past the midpoint of our separation now and I know that in less than a year he'll be home.  But that doesn't change how difficult this whole long-distance marriage thing is.  I don't say that because I'm worried about our marriage falling apart or anything, because after weathering all the ridiculously dramatic situations we've been through in the past ten years I'm pretty sure that nothing short of a nuclear holocaust could give us much trouble in that department.

It's more that I have to remind myself two or three times a month (or day, depending on how things are going) that as a responsible adult and parent I cannot just stuff the kids in the car, drive down to California and announce that, to heck with all the really legitimate reasons why we can't be down there with him, we're moving in.

Of course I can't actually do that, because the main reason we're not down there is that Connor doesn't have a heat release mechanism and it gets to 95 degrees there in the summer, making living there an Extremely Poor Parenting Decision.  Also Jer is living in someone else's house and I doubt they'd be okay with three more people moving into their spare bedroom.  But I daydream about it a lot.

I've developed all sorts of weird little coping mechanisms to make it feel like Jer's here.  I keep a toothbrush in the bathroom for him and a pair of his shoes in the closet by the door.  I've been careful not to take over his side of the closet even though my side is overflowing right now.  I still only sleep on one side of the bed.  Sometimes after a really hard day, I'm a bit embarrassed to admit, I even pile up pillows behind my back and pretend he's sleeping next to me.

I'm so, so proud of him for doing what he's doing, and in the grand scheme of things two-and-a-half years isn't all that long.  I guess one of the disadvantages of being utterly, completely head-over-heels for the man I married is that separations like this are always going to be pretty tough.  I'm really looking forward to the day he's home for good (or at least for a good while-- he is in the military, after all) and in the meantime I'll keep on keeping on.  That's life!

But yeah, it's hard right now.

~Jess

In Which We Take A Holiday

Thanks to all of you who sent Jer and I well wishes about Memorial Day; we appreciate it!

We spent most of the day quietly at home enjoying some family togetherness, though since Jer had a holiday I did take advantage of that and asked him to hold a ladder while I replaced a couple of the spikes and ferrules on one of our gutters.  That and a bit of laundry was about all the work that happened today though, which was nice.  I took some time today to reflect a bit on just how blessed I really am.

Of course I did spend some time tromping around barefoot in the grass, which was enough to set off my allergies again.  I've really got to start remembering that I can't do that sort of thing right now.  It's annoying for me because I don't generally have allergies, so I'm not very good at remembering yet.  I'm sure after a few more glorious cases of hives my memory will quickly improve.

Connor discovered a new way to play with his ball today; he decided that banging on it with his hand wasn't fun anymore so he started banging on it with his foot.  He didn't kick the ball or anything; he grabbed his foot and used it like a hammer to hit the top of his ball (which is partially deflated to make it easier for him to grab).  It was a creative use of his foot, to say the least.  Then he demanded wild praise, and clapped for himself when he didn't think I was giving him enough.  I think he's got me pretty well trained.

Oh well.

~Jess

In Which I Start Making The Meeting Rounds And Do Some Seizure Sewing

Today was a day of meetings.  It's the time of year when Connor's annual appointments for everything start coming due, so I end up doing a lot of coordinating to make sure everything happens when it should.  Today was an EFMP meeting day.  EFMP, or the Exceptional Family Member Program, is a military program that provides a lot of the services Connor needs, such as our respite care and determining where we're allowed to travel as a family.  We spent most of the afternoon after Connor came home from school on post getting things squared away for the upcoming year.

For Connor, it was a day of seizures.  The kid had three today-- just before and after our trip to post-- and was in a generally grumpy mood as a result.  Who can blame him?  Seizures are no fun.  As soon as we got home he crashed on the couch until I finally moved him to his room, so once again I had plenty of sewing time. 

I like sewing time.  But I like Connor not having seizures better.  I'll have to give him a stern lecture on the topic.  No more seizures, big boy!

I finished the front piece of the polar bear stocking today, and then I set it aside and made a little poinsettia throw pillow to sit in the armchair next to the Christmas tree.  That chair really needed a little seasonal pillow to make the festive scene complete, and heck if I was going to buy one when I could just as easily make one with a little bit of time and leftover fabric from another project.  It only took me about half an hour, and I think it came out pretty cute.

Connor did perk up a little this evening after his daddy got home, and I'm hoping he'll have a better day tomorrow .  I'm headed up to Pike Place to hopefully complete my Christmas shopping, which I am determined not to procrastinate on this year.  I've got way, way too many other things going on to leave it 'till the last minute. 

So it was a busy day today, and it will probably be a busy day tomorrow.  I feel like I got a lot accomplished though, so that's a good thing.  There's a lot to do this time of year!

~Jess

In Which It Is The Fourth Of July

Happy 4th of July, everyone!

We spent ours together happily as a family.  Connor stayed up entirely too late last night (three in the morning!), probably due to the thunderstorm, so we didn't go out and find fireworks again tonight.  Instead he watched a few on television with the rest of the family while I took a nap.  He seemed to enjoy this, if the level of screaming I heard coming from the living room was any indication.

Other activities today included the now-traditional evening golf cart ride, in which Connor applauded after all of the really big hills.  Also Jeremy and I took the waverunners out for a spin again.  The water was much smoother today and we caught some big wakes behind a few cruisers, though I kept hitting them just wrong and ending up with a nose full of water on the second wave.  There's an art to wake jumping that I haven't quite mastered yet.  Jer's been coming out to the lake and riding around on a waverunner practically every year since preadolescence, so he's slightly better at it than me.  Oh well.  I've got plenty of summers to figure it out!

I hope everyone had just as wonderful a time today as we did, and my thoughts go out to all of our fellow military families, some of whom are celebrating without their loved ones nearby this year.  Much love to you and yours!

~Jess

In Which It Is Memorial Day

Since today was Memorial Day, Jeremy and Connor both were off of work and school respectively.  We spent the day quietly at home, recovering from our busy weekend and catching up on housework. 

Jeremy's been in the military for about six years now, and his current plan is to stay in for life.  We have many friends who are currently serving overseas and are separated from their families and in harm's way, so I took a little time today to think about all of them and their loved ones. 

Honestly Memorial Day for me isn't really a holiday-- it's kind of a sobering reminder of just how lucky I really am. 

~Jess

In Which We Film Some More, And Connor Is Pouty

So this morning was a continuation of the grand filming saga, only this time it was on the army post and with a whole bunch of other people-- basically we were filming one of the  meetings (called a Comprehensive Transition Plan, or CTP meeting) that the training video will be focusing on.  The most basic explanation I can come up with for these meetings is that they're sort of like the adult military version of an IEP meeting-- representatives from each of the areas of a soldier's care get together with the soldier (and his or her family, if relevant) to touch base with each other, discuss where the soldier is now, set goals for the future, and determine how best to get to those goals.  I'd direct you to a neat explanation of this process on the Warrior Transition Battalion website but I can't find one (this is the best I could come up with), which is probably why they're making the video in the first place.  That would make sense.

The film crew is moving on to film some other families at a couple of other locations around the country, and then they've got to edit all that stuff and put it together, so don't expect the video out any time soon.  And it may be pretty dry viewing, as it is a training video.  And also we probably won't play a prominent role in it.  But I'll let you all know when it's released, as several of you have asked.  Just expect a performance (at least on our part) less of the Academy Award-winning caliber and more of the Razzie Award variety.

Anyway, Connor and I arrived sort of at the last minute because we couldn't find our car keys-- they'd been misplaced in the whirlwind of outside filming the day before.  I eventually found them in the garage, sitting on a large pile of wood for the deck we've been in the process of staining.  This was not exactly the first place I thought to look, so it took a while to locate them.  Then the meeting was upstairs, so the key to the stair lift had to be located so that we didn't have to use the alternate method of getting Connor up the stairs-- the BBG (Big Burly Guy) method.  But we managed to squeak in just before filming started.

After we were finished (Jeremy still had filming to do at the gym, but Connor and I got to leave after the meeting was over) the little guy and I headed straight over to occupational therapy, where Connor spent the first half of the session with a huge pouty face on.  It was hilarious-- he wanted to play with his toys, and he was obviously having a good time, but he was still put out about the events of the past two days so he was trying his very best to look like he was miserable.  So basically he'd play with his toys, and every once in a while you'd see a smile creeping up onto his face, but then he'd glance up, see me, and immediately the pouty look would reappear.  He couldn't keep up the charade any more after we pulled out the big guns-- a swing!  That kid loves swings.  So he lightened up and we got to hear a few of those delicious giggles. 

The lack of smiles might also be because the kid's feeling pretty tired right now.  We started his new seizure medication on Tuesday-- it's a drug called Lamictal-- and we haven't begun stepping back any of his other medications.  The side effects in these situations tend to be cumulative, and all three seizure medications he's now on can cause fatigue.  So Connor actually took a two hour nap today, which is all but unheard of in our household now.  I took a nap too-- the last couple of days have been surprisingly tiring. 

I don't think I'm cut out for a film career.

~Jessie

In Which We Spend The Day On Camera

Well today was kind of surreal.

A week or two ago Jeremy sort of casually mentioned that the Warrior Transition Battalion with the army was making a training video about the process that wounded soldiers go through and would like to interview our family for it some time in the future.  We aren't normally comfortable with the idea of television interviews.  However since this was for the army and not the general public (though it will be on the WTB website eventually so I suppose the general public will have access to it), would be part of a bigger project not focused specifically on our family, and wasn't a mainstream media source, we decided after some discussion that we'd agree to do it.

And then later that week he let me know that they wanted to shoot a little bit of footage at our house.  I told him that would be okay, as long as he gave me some sort of advance notice so that I'd be able to get everything cleaned up.  In Jeremy's world, "advance notice" apparently means "48 hours," because he casually mentioned to me on Monday that they'd be coming today.  Keep in mind that I'd been gone for the whole weekend, and so the normal housekeeping I do then didn't happen, and also I was playing catch-up on all the things I'd gotten behind on during Connor's huge seizure crisis of the last couple weeks.  So I was a little frazzled, but since I thought the interview was going to be starting fairly late in the morning I figured I could still get things cleaned up in a reasonable fashion between Tuesday night and this morning.  Of course Tuesday evening he informs me that I have the time wrong, and they're actually planning on being here at 8:00am.

My reaction was not pretty.

So I got up at an obscenely early hour and cleaned the living room, kitchen and library area, which were the most likely places they'd be filming.  Then I hopped in the shower at the last minute and cleaned up just in time for the cars to start arriving.  I sort of expected this to be a fairly low-key affair, with maybe an interviewer and a camera man, and that we'd sit down and talk and then they'd edit out all the times we said "um" or forgot the question or something.  So I was a little bit thrown when Jeremy answered the door and there were twice that many people standing on our porch, who all introduced themselves and then promptly began hauling in a large amount of extremely sophisticated looking equipment (and apparently they were traveling light-- I have no idea how much equipment they normally carry, but I'm not sure it would have fit in my house).  They were all extremely nice, they all knew exactly what they were doing, and pretty soon our house was covered in lights on stands, this huge camera was set up, the sound guy was getting out his boom microphone and it was clearly evident that Jeremy and I had slightly underestimated the scale of this project.

It took almost an hour to set up the first (yes, the first) set for shooting-- this one in the living room for our individual interviews-- and the process involved rearranging a good portion of our furniture and a futile search of our house for an appropriate lamp to add to the set as background ambiance.  Apparently all of our lamps were either too short or too tall, and a lamp in the background was essential for shooting the scene-- something about softening up the stone background of our fireplace-- and that's how I found myself ringing the doorbell over at our neighbor's house with the producer and cinematographer both in tow to ask if I could borrow a medium size table lamp and also a potted plant.

See why today was kind of surreal?

So anyway, once the decided-upon lamp and potted plant were arranged and crisis was averted they made Jeremy wear makeup, which I thought was pretty hilarious.  I didn't actually get to see the application process though because I was in the back room trying to keep Connor quiet while Jer's interview was filmed.  Then it was my turn, and I guess I shouldn't have laughed at Jeremy.  As a result I had to change clothes twice because my outfit blended into the background too much, and then my hair decided to demonstrate how static electricity works and was all over the place so it ended up cemented to my head, and after that I needed more makeup applied and then my hair started going crazy again and then the pizza guy rang the doorbell in the middle of the shoot.  Based on how my interview went I suspect I may end up being related to (the aptly named) "Sir Not Appearing In This Film."

Anyway, after we were done in the living room they filmed Jeremy and I together in our kitchen drinking "coffee" (i.e. water in coffee cups) and discussing army meetings and classes and whatnot very seriously.  Or at least it started out seriously, but degraded after about seven or eight takes ruined by how we kept drinking out of our cups simultaneously.  Then we started making smart aleck comments to each other, because we can only restrain our natural sarcasm for so long, and Jeremy began doing that nervous habit where he stands on one foot and bangs the other against something, in this case the cabinets, and I kicked him in the shins.  I really feel for whoever ends up having to edit our footage.

The camera crew would have been perfectly justified in packing up and leaving after that as Jeremy and I were rapidly degrading as far as maturity level goes, but instead we did a shot in the kitchen (Jeremy and Connor in wheelchairs and me reading Fifteen Animals to Connor and thus signing "Bob" about eight billion times).  Then we moved back into the living room, where Jeremy and I sat on the couch with Connor and attempted to interest him in a book, but instead the little guy just spent the entire time staring directly at the lights and signing "Light!  Light!" over and over again.  I'm pretty sure he meant something like "Hey guys!  Why are you trying to make me look at this stupid book when there are all these people and giant lights and weird pieces of equipment in our house?  Don't you all notice anything?"  He had a point.

So after that I figured we would be done.  Wrong.  We were just done with the shots inside the house.

Twenty minutes later we found ourselves walking up and down the sidewalk in our neighborhood with the crew filming and all of our neighbors driving by trying to figure out what the heck was going on.  After that they made Jeremy don his bike gear (complete with the Bubble Butt Pants) and he was filmed putting on his helmet a few times, and then getting on his bike a few more times, and then riding up and down the street for about thirty minutes, with a short intermission to track down Loki, who had escaped the house and was found crouched underneath our cypress tree, and Cricket, who was thought to have escaped but was found curled up asleep on our bed. 

The crew packed up and left at about 3:30 in the afternoon.  Tomorrow morning we'll head down to post, where they're filming some more.  This training video stuff is hard work. 

In conclusion, that was without a doubt one of the weirdest days I've had so far this year.  Don't get me wrong; everyone was extremely nice and professional, they put my house back together pretty much how it was when they arrived, and they fed us pizza to boot so it certainly wasn't weird in a bad way.

But still.  Weird.

~Jess

In Which We Remember

Our whole house smells like new bread at the moment, because Jeremy just finished baking.  I'm sitting here with a glass of peppermint tea and a thick slice of dark bread slathered with butter.  Bliss.

We took Connor briefly to the pool this morning, which was very crowded with children out of school, and I frittered away a couple of hours at a coffee shop writing poetry of questionable taste, but for the most part we spent the day quietly at home.  I'm not normally one for melancholy, but I think we know too many people for whom Memorial Day is a day of rememberence and mourning for us to ever think of this as a cheerful sort of holiday.  Goodness knows I came very close to being one of them, and while I'm very, very thankful that we were lucky enough to have this not be the case, my heart goes out to the families of those husbands and wives who are never coming home.

Thank you.  All of you.  We will never forget.

~Jess

In Which Jeremy Is On The Radio

Jeremy, along with two other soldiers, was interviewed this morning on the air by a local public radio station concerning his injuries during combat and the recovery process.  The program was called Life After Injury: Stories From American Soldiers, and you can find a podcast of it over here if you are so inclined.  You have several options for downloading under the "Listen To Weekday" heading on the right of the page.

I drove around in circles and listened to the program in the car while Connor was at school today.  It was kind of odd to hear Jeremy's voice coming out of the radio, but I thought he and the other guys all did a fantastic job and the discussion was interesting.  It's worth a listen, in my opinion.

Connor had a quiet day today; he and I drove up to Seattle to get his blood levels drawn, and we should hear from the neurologist again at some point in the next couple of days as far as what he'd like us to do.  While we talked to the nurse and not to the doctor personally, my guess is that he wanted to know the level of Connor's seizure medications both to see how the little guy is metabilizing them and to see how much wiggle room he might have to go up on them. 

Hopefully the game of Seizure Hot Potato will be over soon!

~Jess   

In Which Connor Wins A Medal

Connor was awarded a medal today!

He, along with eleven other children, received the Claire Daily-Stafinbil Young Heroes Award in a ceremony on our local military post today.  This annual award is given out to "children from military families who are physically or mentally challenged and demonstrate extraordinary courage and valor in the face of adversity." 

The kids receiving the medal ranged in age from toddler to late adolescence, and had a wide variety of different physical and developmental special needs.  Each child was called up to the stage, where a brief biography was read about them.  Then they were presented with their medal, a certificate, and a giant bag of gifts.  Connor was the first to be called and was gifted, among other things, with a large stuffed animal husky, which he took to almost immediately and practiced petting during some of the other presentations. 

The presentation was two hours long, and once Connor had gone up we sat in the back, anticipating that Connor would not sit quietly through the rest of the presentations.  While he did remarkably well, Jeremy did have to get up and leave with him after about forty minutes, which I think is a pretty good span of time for a four-year old to sit through a power-point presentation!  At the very end I ran back out and got them, and Connor and I, along with the rest of the kids, went back up on stage one last time.  Then everybody trooped upstairs for cake and punch, where we mingled and Connor graciously accepted a lot of compliments on his yellow and blue striped tie.  He was by far the most formally dressed kid there, in a blue button-down collared shirt, pin-striped slacks, the aforementioned tie, and his brand new bright red Converse sneakers, bought especially for the occasion.  Most of the other kids were in T-shirts.  Oh well; he looked adorable, so it was all good. 

Jer and I declared it to be Connor's "Special Day" and finished the outing with a blueberry smoothie (which Connor enjoyed smearing all over his nice clothing) before heading home.  The little guy crashed and slept a good portion of the afternoon away; I think he was pretty overstimulated from all of the excitement.  We didn't take any pictures of him during the big event because we were on stage with him, but we should be receiving some later and we'll be sure to post them.

So all in all it was a good day for the big boy.  We're pretty proud of him!

~Jess

In Which Jeremy Has A Busy Day

It was a very busy day today-- a variety of events and meetings kept us running around all over the place. Jeremy had his initial "what the heck are we going to do with you while you are healing" meeting, and we talked about a few different options, including him taking some online classes in the pursuit of a post baccalaureate degree or possibly working at the Warrior Transition Unit.

For those of you not familiar with the Warrior Transition Unit (WTU), let me give you a brief explanation. When a soldier is injured and they can no longer perform their assigned duties, they are assigned to the WTU in order to focus on the recovery process until they are healed, at which time they either go back to their original job, transfer to a new job, or are medically retired with a severance package. They would give Jer a temporary job that he would be able to perform in his current condition. Now that we have an idea of some of the options Jeremy has, he'll do some research and make a decision as to what he thinks the best path is going to be for the next few months. I think right now he's leaning towards doing some additional schooling; we'll just have to see.

This evening we went to a meeting for the families of the deployed soldiers in Jer's unit. One of Jeremy's commanding officers was back here on leave and gave the spouses a chance to ask questions and hear about how their soldiers are doing. At the meeting, Jeremy was awarded a Bronze Star for his actions in Afghanistan! He has already received a Purple Heart and an Army Commendation Medal with Valor for his time over there, so this was a pleasant surprise for him.

I am, as always, proud!

~Jess

In Which I Have A Possible Solution To Connor's Hive Problem

I had a major revelation today about Connor's hives that explains why he's getting them!

I figured out why he s having them this week; it was school picture day today, which as we all know is the day in which children everywhere compete to see who will have the worst photo ever. This year thanks to his lovely giant red spots my child wins the pot. Now I just have to figure out how he's getting the hives-- that's still a mystery.

Actually, I do have a theory about what might possibly be causing them that doesn't involve school photography. The only thing I can think of that we've changed recently is Connor's toothpaste. We ran out of his usual and I got a different brand. Normally I give him a little water and he spits into a cup after he brushes, but he's swallowed the toothpaste a couple of times in the past few weeks. I'm wondering if maybe there's something in the new toothpaste that he's allergic to. Of course, the only way I can think to test this is to brush his teeth and let him swallow the toothpaste. Maybe I'll just buy another brand of toothpaste and see if the hives stop.

Today has been rather a whirlwind of house related things. We're closing on October 30th, which is only a month away, and I'll be gone in Texas for a week of that, so we're on a tight timeline to get everything taken care of before that deadline. We're having an inspector look at the house tomorrow, and I will be attempting to get Jer up two steps into the house so he can see the inside, as otherwise he'll be buying a house he's never seen. I won't be posting any pictures of the house until it's officially ours because, well, right now it's still somebody else's, and I would be kind of weirded out if someone posted pictures and commentary about the inside of my house, even if I was selling it. So I'll wait until after we've taken possession, and then I'll post pictures, I promise.

We had to get all of the running around dropping off earnest money checks and getting quotes for property insurance out of the way before four in the afternoon, because that's when we left for the baseball game. Jer and I received free tickets from his army unit for the Seattle Mariners game tonight. While we aren't really baseball fans (and if we were to pick a team, it would probably be the Texas Rangers anyway) we enjoyed ourselves.

It was bitterly cold (46 degrees, which is maybe not cold by anyone else's standards but pretty cold for September in Seattle) and we were way underdressed for the weather. A woman sitting below us in the stands noticed how Jer and I were shivering and bought Jeremy a jacket, which meant we could share his blanket and both be warm. She said Jer reminded her of her son.

Yet another random act of kindness from a stranger. Amazing.

~Jess

In Which I Spend So Much Time At The Hospital That I Forget To Blog (For Shame)

I'm alive, I swear!

I'm off shortly to buy some sort of a camping cot, as currently I'm sleeping in a rocking chair. This is not particularly comfortable, especially as I am attempting to sleep gowned up and with rubber gloves on. I would try slathering my hands in lotion right before I put them on so I can pretend I'm getting a hand treatment, but I think that only works with cotton gloves. I bet it would just make the rubber ones slimy, and I don't really want to fall asleep feeling like I'm dipping my hands into ectoplasm or something all night.

Connor is also required to wear gloves, and this is hilarious. For one thing, the gloves are about eight times too big for him. For another, unbeknownst to me whenever I put them on him they somehow turn into Magical Gloves of Lead. I'm serious-- the kid acts like his hands weigh 80 pounds apiece. He just sits there with a hangdog expression on his face and his arms totally limp. Every once in a while he gives a huge sigh and shakes the fingers half-heartedly a couple of times before giving up and going limp again. It's pathetically cute.

Jer went in for a fifth cleaning yesterday afternoon. They also went in and removed some muscle tissue that had died and wired one of the fractured bones in his left foot (the navicular, to be precise) to another, non-damaged bone (the talus). They also took a whole bunch of x-rays and did a CT scan.

So the results are in, and Jer has the dubious honor of having the worst bilateral calcaneal fractures any of the doctors at the hospital have ever seen. Both heels are, to repeat the term they used, "pulverized." They are broken into hundreds and hundreds of little fragments, many of them tiny, and there's no way your standard 'bolt things back together' strategy is going to work. So they aren't sure yet what they'll do-- possibly a fusion, but it's still up in the air. If there was a lot of soft tissue damage I'm pretty sure they'd just amputate the feet as that would probably be less painful and make them more functional in the long run, but since there doesn't seem to be a lot of soft tissue damage it isn't as clear what needs to happen. At any rate, they've decided that he needs to be moved to a Level 1 Trauma hospital instead of a Level 2, as they want someone who specializes in calcaneal trauma to do his surgeries. So we'll be changing hospitals again sometime in the next couple of weeks. Luckily we'll still be in the local area.

He'll go in for another cleaning of the huge wound on his left calf tomorrow, and hopefully they'll start slowly stitching the ends shut. The middle will need a skin graft before it will close. He's feeling okay though, as they're giving him some pretty good pain meds. I'll be taking some pictures and I'll try to post some tonight!

The wonderful get-well cards and messages people are sending have really cheered him up, by the way. We're going to figure out a way to hang them around the hospital room.

One last thing-- you will be happy to know that my mom is here helping out for a few days and is not only taking care of Connor for me, but cleaning my entire house. She's even doing the hated laundry! I am very relieved she's here; it's so nice to know that Connor is being taken care of when he's not at the hospital with me, and coming home to a clean house is really nice. It was getting pretty horrible.

And what does Connor think? It's laundry day! Connor, of course, is thrilled.

~Jess

Update

Got the news this morning that Jeremy has made it out of Afghanistan and is now in Germany. He's being evaluated there and will go into surgery again tomorrow for a more thorough cleaning of his wounds and an MRI to check out his spine. I'm so glad that he's made it there, and I'm absolutely positive that he's in good hands; practically all of the injuries those doctors deal with are trauma cases, so they have A LOT of experience and are fantastic. Hopefully we'll find out within the next couple of days where he'll be returning to, and we may even get the chance to talk to a doctor or nurse in Germany. We'll just have to see.

I realized looking back on my posts in the last few days that I may have given the impression I'm angry about the lack of information we've received. I want to let everyone know that I don't feel that way. Not knowing exactly what happened and what the extent of his injuries are is frustrating, but I understand why that is the case-- the doctors are busy saving lives, and while me waiting for a couple of days to hear what's going on isn't going to change what happened or Jer's condition, the doctors taking breaks to answer questions can literally mean the difference between life and death for some of their patients. I know the army is doing everything they can to keep us informed; I'm very glad that they have their priorities straight.

A big thanks goes out to the Mary Bridge Audiology department today, who squeezed us in at 9:30 in the morning for an emergency hearing aid repair, and to Olympic Pharmacy in Gig Harbor who is not only rushing to put all of Connor's ordered equipment together (a bath chair, floor positioner, feeding chair, and toilet modifier) but on top of that refused to let us pay for our sixty cans of Pediasure. Thank you also to all of you who have offered to help us get settled in wherever we may end up-- you've got about a 50% chance that I'll be taking you up on your offer, depending on where it is that we go.

I'm feeling a little more grounded today-- got up this morning, took a shower, blow-dried my hair and put some makeup and jewelry on. I've found I feel better if I know I look decent; putting on makeup feels kind of like I'm donning armor. I'm just not putting any mascara on right now because I don't have any that's waterproof. I'll have to make a trip to the store.

It's funny: I'm hungry all the time right now, eating like a horse, (I'm having half a rack of pork ribs, three baby artichokes and ice cream for dinner tonight) and not exercising, and somehow I've managed to lose about five pounds. I guess all the adrenaline is kicking my metabolism up. Despite its evident success, I would not recommend the Get-Your-Husband-Half-Blown-Up Weight Loss Program as a good idea for anyone, no matter how desperate. Seriously.

Tomorrow's my birthday, and since Jer will not be Fed-Exing me a goat as planned for my birthday present (The cats will be so disappointed!) I'll have to figure something else out. I'm thinking a cheap laptop might be a really, really good idea so that I can continue to keep in touch with people wherever we are. This blog seems to be a really effective tool for keeping everyone informed about what's going on. Saves me a whole lot of phone calls.

I was looking forward to meeting that goat, dang it.

I'm also going to head down to Pike Place Market. I have respite care the whole day, so I'm going to walk to the little yixing teapot store downstairs in the market and pick one out. Jer always gets me a teapot for our special occasions, and while this birthday is not going to be my best, it's definitely going to go down as one of the more memorable ones so I think it warrants a teapot. I'll have to take a picture so he can see what he got me.

Lots of people have offered to spend the day with me, which I'm grateful for. I haven't decided yet just how much company I'm going to be up for; I'll let you all know, probably at the last possible minute because I'm just considerate like that.

As a final thought-- can you imagine what it would have been like if Jer's arms and hands had been damaged and not his legs and feet? How would I have pushed two wheelchairs? How the heck would he talk to Connor, who needs sign language and doesn't lip-read that well yet? And we would have been in serious trouble if it had been his eyes, as I am a super messy person and leave crap all over the house, never in the same place twice, and our child is non-verbal so we'd have that whole communication problem again, just in reverse. And Jer's head and torso contain all sorts of fiddly body parts that seem to be pretty important for, you know, living.

Thank goodness he injured something relatively unimportant in the scheme of things!

~Jess

photo credit goes to Lucie of LZH photography

What's Up, Doc?

Today was the day for our big doctor's appointment. I got a call yesterday afternoon that they'd bumped it up by an hour and that we now had yet another Primary Care Manager (PCM), now that I'd changed all the contact information at our other hospitals to reflect the former new PCM's name. Oh well. Anyway, the good news was that this doctor took one look at our file and scheduled us for an hour-long appointment at the end of her appointment time, so that we could take as long as we needed to go over the approximately eight billion items of paperwork I needed her to fill out.

The appointment went well; she seemed pretty on top of things and I think she'll be a good doctor for Connor. We spent almost two hours in the room with her-- it was quite the visit.

Among other things, we renewed Connor's EFMP paperwork. EFMP, or the Exceptional Family Member Program for those of you not familiar with it, is the military's program that identifies family members with special needs and assures that not only do they get the services and accommodations they require, but that they can't be sent to a post that doesn't have these services available. While Jer (obviously) can still deploy, go on an unaccompanied tour, or be sent to a post for training that lacks the services we need, he can't be issued a permanent change of station (PCS: where we're expected to go with him) that doesn't have the doctors and therapies Connor needs. Now, since Connor needs A LOT of doctors and therapies (last time I counted we had around fourteen) there are very, very few posts we can go to. What this means is that it's likely that unlike most army families, which seem to move around every three years or so, we'll probably be in the Pacific Northwest for quite some time. Given the fact that instead of taking things off Connor's EFMP paperwork we actually added them, I don't think this is going to change any time soon.

After Connor's appointment and a quick visit with a friend who just had her little girl, we headed back to the house and spent a solid forty-five minutes playing with Connor's new tricycle! He had a great time; we must have gone around the apartment about twenty times. I would have stopped sooner as it was obvious he was getting tired, but he was asking for more so adamantly that I humored him and we kept going until he was literally drooping on the bike. He still had a huge grin on his face, though! We didn't do as much standing work today as a result (there he is in his new stander eating dinner-- doesn't he look great?) because his little legs got such a workout. Maybe I need someone to strap me to a bike and push me around. I haven't exactly been motivated to exercise in the last week or so.

What do you say? Anyone?

~Jess

Thanks!

Happy Fourth of July, everyone!

This year I watched the fireworks display sitting on a lawn chair behind Anna's house, eating homemade ice cream and watching the bald eagles disturbed by all the lights soaring out over the lake. It felt sort of like being in a sixties TV show-- I kept expecting Andy Griffith to walk by or something. It's almost 11:30 in the evening now, and I can still hear the whistling, crackling, and popping outside. Someone has a radio turned to patriotic music. The air is hazy and smells like gunpowder and ash.

While we're here celebrating, over in Afghanistan today was just another day of hard work for my husband and those serving with him. Though I wish he was here with me, I understand why he does the job he does and I'm so proud of him. He and his fellow soldiers work tirelessly without complaint, far from their families and under terrible and perilous conditions, in the service of those celebrating the holiday safely here at home.

Thanks, soldiers-- for all that you do.

~Jess

The photo for this blog post was taken by the lovely Lucie over at LZH photography.

Keeping Connected

It was hard trying to figure out ways to not only prepare Connor for Jeremy's absence, but also to keep him connected with his Daddy during Jer's long deployment. Part of the problem is that pretty much all of the materials available out there explaining deployment to toddlers are not accessible to Deaf or HoH children. Sesame Street put out this great video for children between the ages of 2-5 about deployment called Talk, Listen, Connect. It's in both English and Spanish, which is nice. Unfortunately sign language or closed captioning are not options available, so to my son it's pretty much just a bunch of cute puppets bobbing around on the screen. Most of the books out there about deployment seemed to be aimed at children in the 5 and up category.

There's also the problem that Jer is much more likely to be able to telephone home than to chat front of a video camera-- web cam times may be few and far between, and with the time difference there's a likelihood that most calls will fall while Connor is asleep.

We ended up making an hour-long videotape, broken into several segments, of Jer sitting with Connor and signing his favorite stories and songs. That way Connor can "see" his Daddy talking to him every night before bed, and that will hopefully help keep him connected. Jer signs and talks with Connor about the deployment, says that he'll miss Connor and will think of him every day-- pretty much what's on the Sesame Street video, only with SEE and without the giant fuzzy monsters. It's not the best solution in the world, but it's a start. Anybody else have any suggestions on we can keep Connor connected to his daddy?

~Jess

Getting My Priorities Straight

I've been slowly, slowly getting back into an exercising routine. I used to be really in shape, but in the three years since Connor joined us my exercise has been put on a back burner and I've gradually gotten out of the habit. Part of the problem is lack of time-- a constant stream of hospital stays, doctors appointments and therapy sessions makes me want to spend what little free time I have sprawled on the couch instead of getting up on a treadmill. Logistics come into play too, as in the past it's been tough to find exercises I can do with Connor in tow, and doing the same five exercise videos in front of the television (as we don't have TV reception, videos and DVDs are what I've got to work with) gets boring after a while.

These are all just excuses, though-- the truth is, and many of you can probably relate to this-- it's really easy to get so wrapped up in taking care of my son that I put my needs and health on a back burner. If I have a conflict and am required to make a decision between canceling say, my dentist appointment or Connor's, I know which one I'd choose every time. The same goes for a therapy session for him or time with friends for me, and so on and so forth. It's really easy to feel guilty about indulging in something like, for example, a manicure, when I know that I could be doing yet one more round of play therapy with my son instead.

I finally woke up one morning a while ago and realized that if I neglect my health and something happens to me, all of the sudden it's not just me with the problem. With Jer being in the military, I end up being an on-again, off-again single parent. If I get too stressed while my husband is gone and have a nervous breakdown, or I don't take care of myself and end up sick, who's taking care of Connor and the now invalid me? No one.

So I've learned to be a little selfish again. I'm setting aside money in the budget for a monthly massage. I'm trying to stop agonizing over taking some time for myself, even if it means that Connor isn't getting quite as much of my attention during the day. I'm eating healthier and sleeping longer. And I'm slowly, slowly getting back in shape. It's true that Connor and Jeremy will always be my first priorities, but now I remember one important truth: if I want to continue to care for my loved ones, first I have to care for myself.

~Jess

photo for this blog post is by the lovely Lucie over at LZH photography

Sunny Day

I spent a good portion of the day today outdoors at a very fun military spouses' function. Due to the mild temperatures and cloudless sky, I have my first ever Pacific Northwest sunburn. I actually didn't realize for a while that I even had a sunburn-- I just thought that I'd scrubbed my face too hard getting the camo face paint off. I'm lucky after spending five hours out in the sun that my skin is only slightly pink. I swear that it doesn't burn as brightly here or something-- if I'd tried that in Texas I'd be the color of a boiled lobster. I'll count myself lucky and put on sunscreen next time.

Jer had to go into work after lunch, so Connor and I hung out around the house. Sleep has been in short supply around here; Connor's been waking up at night. We can't figure out exactly why, but he is very sensitive to how Jer and I are feeling and tends to get nightmares if we're particularly stressed, so that's our best guess as to what's going on. At any rate I've spent a lot of time out of bed, and that combined with the physical activity of this morning hit me with a double whammy this afternoon. Connor was down for a nap and I decided to take a nice, hot bath. The water felt really, really good, and I closed my eyes for just a second, and the next thing I knew the water was cold and my neck was cramping from being in such an unnatural position so long. I'd wedged it against the corner of the tub, which is why I hadn't woken up with a nose full of water. Whoops. Shortly thereafter Jer came home, and he let me go back to sleep for another blissful four hours while he hung out with the little guy. I'm happy to say that I feel much, much better now.

I'm sad to say that Jer has to go back in to work tomorrow as well, so we won't see a lot of him this weekend, but hopefully the next week won't be quite so crazy. Who knows?

~Jess

Daddy's Home!

Jeremy is home!!!!!!

We're so excited that Jer is back from his training-- it's been about six weeks now and we've had virtually no contact, so it's great to have him back! I've known for a few days that he'd be returning, but because of safety and security issues I didn't mention it on here-- the same reason I don't talk about his rank, job description, location of training, blah blah blah. At any rate, he's home now and it's wonderful to have him in the house!

Connor had a much better day today-- he was still a little clingy, but he obviously is really happy about Jer being home. Connor showed off all of his new tricks: the flashcards, new vocabulary, etc, and his Daddy was very impressed.

As for Jer and I-- we're hoping to leave Connor with his respite care worker some time in the next couple of weeks so we can spend a day together and get a chance to reconnect.

The other good news is that not only does Connor's left hearing aid still work, but it now has a deliciously fruity scent. No doubt this will be very refreshing to Connor throughout his day. I'm sure that was his intention all along.

~Jess