Thursday, January 15, 2009

The Cats Shall Rise Again

As I write this, Loki is sitting in the middle of the kitchen counter meowing at the top of his lungs, and Cricket is shredding my printer paper with her teeth.

My cats are on strike.

They are citing unreasonable working conditions as their reason for wreacking havoc on my household. Specifically, their food bowl is empty.

They have been out of food for a grand total of six hours. Therefore they are on starvation corner and Something Must Be Done.

I have tried telling them that Jeremy is dropping by the store on his way home and that there will be food this evening. I have tried pointing out that since it has only been six hours and they ate an entire bowl of food this morning, there is no possible way that they could be starving. The cats see right through all of my flimsy excuses.

Here's what this looks like:

Cricket: Uh oh. We're out of food.
Loki: Something Must Be Done!
Cricket: Maybe our servant doesn't realize the appalling condition of the food bowl. Let's stand right by it and meow really, really loud.
Loki: Good idea
cue 10 minutes of yowling
Me: I have no food for you. Sorry.
Loki: This doesn't seem to be working.
Cricket: It is so difficult to get good staff these days. Maybe she's just gotten lost on her way to the kitchen again. I'll go remind her of where the food bowl is.
Cricket begins to twine around my legs, meowing. Runs three feet towards the kitchen and stops. Runs back and meows again. Repeat 22 times.
Cricket: Heeeeeeeere peonpeonpeonpeon. Heeeeeeere peonpeonpeon. Who's a good little peon? The kitchen is THIS way. There you go. Very good! Now, get the cat food. Good, good, that's the teapot. CAT FOOD. You want CAT FOOD over-- wait! Come back! Dang it.
Loki: I say we fire her.
Cricket: And hire who, the little noisy one?
Loki: Well, let's dock her pay, anyway.
Cricket: I quite agree. Would you prefer shredding toilet paper or breaking crockery?
Loki: Toilet paper.
Cricket: All right. I'll take the couch pillows.
Loki: Vengeance will be ours.

Thus my house has been torn apart today by two small whirling dervishes of death and destruction. Jeremy will be home in about an hour, so Connor and I have barricaded the door of the office in a desperate attempt to keep the cats from eating us before he returns.

Luckily my cats are active enough to keep themselves relatively in shape, because the day I attempt to put them on a diet will be the day that my cats decide maybe shredding the toilet paper isn't effective enough and more drastic measures must be taken. I imagine they'd leave my twitching corpse near the foodbowl as a warning for the next owners to keep it topped off.

Crazy cats.


1 comment:

Greymare said...

I'm kinda glad right now that I have a really dumb cat.

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