Leaving On A Jet Plane...

So in about six hours, Connor and I will be up on a plane headed for Texas.

We've been talking about the plane all week, and about how just he and I will go first, and then Daddy will come in a few days. I think Connor is a little bit nervous about it. A couple of times this week he's woken up crying. He doesn't really cry unless something is wrong; I suspect he's having nightmares.


He's always had an incredible bond with Jeremy. When he has a painful procedure or is scared by something, Daddy is the one he asks for. I think part of it is that he sees me all day, whereas he only sees Jer in the evenings or on weekends. Jeremy always plays with him for a while when he gets home, whereas I take him to doctors' appointments where he gets shots and therapist appointments where he's forced to touch things he doesn't want to touch, have his arms and legs manipulated into weird positions, and do all manner of unpleasant things. I've noticed that if Jer's been working late all week, Connor tends to be more crabby and harder to put to bed. I think it's because Jer helps give him that hard roughhousing time so that he's calmer and more likely to go to sleep afterwards.



We talk about where Daddy is several times during the day. Connor's first sentence was "Daddy work." Whenever the front door opens, his whole face lights up and he signs "Daddy! Daddy!"



I don't begrudge Jeremy's superhero status in Connor's eyes. Part of it is that I know when I leave the room, Connor immediately signs "Mommy" and looks around for me. Of course he loves me just as much. I am the constant in his life, and he doesn't need to sign for me most of the time because I am always there. He spends almost every waking hour of his day with me, but only gets to see Jeremy those few precious hours before bed and on those two weekend days-- and sometimes, not even that. He doesn't understand why Jeremy leaves for weeks-- just that his Daddy is gone. No wonder he gets nervous when we talk about leaving Daddy for a few days and flying to a strange place. To a two year old, a few days could be an hour or forever.



The night before last when he woke up crying, Jer and I brought him into our bed. He calmed down immediately, and he and I had a little conversation.

"Did you get scared?" I asked him.
He nods his head yes.
"It's okay to be scared sometimes," I said. "We all get scared. It's okay to cry. We all cry. Even Mommy and Daddy cry sometimes."
Yes, he nods.
"Are you ready to go back to your room now?"
No, he signs, no, and then he puts his hand on my arm and stares at me, lower lip quivering.
"Okay. You can stay with us for a while."
He heaves a big sigh and snuggles into Jeremy's shoulder. "Daddy," he signs, and smiles.


~Jess