Friday, February 20, 2009

Golden Day

Today was one of those days that makes you realize no winter can last forever. I woke up this morning to the sun streaming down on my pillow and Connor laughing delightedly in my ear. We walked outside and it felt as if sometime during the night our house had quietly picked us up and moved to Colorado-- clear, cloudless achingly blue sky, mild temperature, the mountains stretching their snow-covered shoulders in the distance. I saw the first honey bee I've seen in months making frantic love to the tiny purple crocuses in my front flower bed. We threw open all of the windows and doors, turned the radio up, shook all the rugs out, and began our own spring cleaning.

Nothing could have possibly gone wrong today. I found a twenty dollar bill in my coat pocket and missing library book under a chair. When we went to the library to pay for the book (lost since last November) the woman behind the counter simply extended the due date until March so we could turn it in without paying the fine. When we took a picture to our local craft store to have them add a wire hanger to the frame, the girl behind the counter took it into the back room, added the hanger, and then refused payment, handing it to us with a smile. I found two books I've been looking for for months on the clearance rack of our used book store. We stopped at our favorite coffee shop to read and have a cup of tea, and the owner brought Connor out a little cup of hot chocolate with whipped cream and gave me a cookie. Traffic was light and they played my favorite songs on the radio. Connor figured out how to rock himself in his rocking chair and spent the afternoon giggling and playing happily while I whistled my way around the kitchen. He ate well and went to bed quietly and on time.

I wish I could go back and share this day with the me of three years ago. I was terrified, very much alone, and convinced that winter would never end. I'd spent three months waiting to lose my son and I had one month of waiting left to go. It would have been such a comfort to know that every moment of sorrow and agony I experienced during that wait would be encompassed threefold by joy on days like these.

I know that next week we'll probably be back to our usual wet, gloomy skies and freezing temperatures, but today has reminded me that even though it seems like it's been dark and cold forever, spring is on its way.


Anonymous said...

Wonderful Jess
Thanks for beautiful words.

Kara said...

"I wish I could go back and share this day with the me of three years ago......"

That paragraph gave me shivers - it's incredible how alike we all are in our feelings. I often wish that I would've had someone in those early days to reassure me that I'd be happy again. Not only happy, but joyful and crazy in love with my daughter.

Thank you for such a beautiful and uplifting post.

gloria said...

Good job Connor! It seems like he's going through an educational growth spurt.

It's amazing when Elayna learns something new. (She has just learned that making "choking" sounds will get my attention VERY quickly... tricky girl.)

I hope he enjoys stroller skating later. I'm pumped!

Kierstyn said...

What a great day! I'm glad that you had sweet Conor to share it with.

Julia said...

You just made my day. I'm glad you had such a perfect day, and such a perfect Connor to share it with.

Ellen said...

Jess, that was a beautiful post. I've written before about how hard that first year with Max was. It really, really does get better with age! I'm leaving you an award over at my blog today, come grab it.

Connor's Mom said...

Thanks everyone! It was just one of those Midas days, you know, where everthing you touch turns to gold. We can all use days like that.

I only have one regret. I should have played the lottery. Dang it.


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