Golden Day

Today was one of those days that makes you realize no winter can last forever. I woke up this morning to the sun streaming down on my pillow and Connor laughing delightedly in my ear. We walked outside and it felt as if sometime during the night our house had quietly picked us up and moved to Colorado-- clear, cloudless achingly blue sky, mild temperature, the mountains stretching their snow-covered shoulders in the distance. I saw the first honey bee I've seen in months making frantic love to the tiny purple crocuses in my front flower bed. We threw open all of the windows and doors, turned the radio up, shook all the rugs out, and began our own spring cleaning.

Nothing could have possibly gone wrong today. I found a twenty dollar bill in my coat pocket and missing library book under a chair. When we went to the library to pay for the book (lost since last November) the woman behind the counter simply extended the due date until March so we could turn it in without paying the fine. When we took a picture to our local craft store to have them add a wire hanger to the frame, the girl behind the counter took it into the back room, added the hanger, and then refused payment, handing it to us with a smile. I found two books I've been looking for for months on the clearance rack of our used book store. We stopped at our favorite coffee shop to read and have a cup of tea, and the owner brought Connor out a little cup of hot chocolate with whipped cream and gave me a cookie. Traffic was light and they played my favorite songs on the radio. Connor figured out how to rock himself in his rocking chair and spent the afternoon giggling and playing happily while I whistled my way around the kitchen. He ate well and went to bed quietly and on time.

I wish I could go back and share this day with the me of three years ago. I was terrified, very much alone, and convinced that winter would never end. I'd spent three months waiting to lose my son and I had one month of waiting left to go. It would have been such a comfort to know that every moment of sorrow and agony I experienced during that wait would be encompassed threefold by joy on days like these.

I know that next week we'll probably be back to our usual wet, gloomy skies and freezing temperatures, but today has reminded me that even though it seems like it's been dark and cold forever, spring is on its way.

~Jess