Friday, April 2, 2010

In Which We Encounter The Easter Bunny Of Doom

We went to the mall today because we needed cat food and our local Target is located inside the mall.  Our mall has an OfficeMax, too.  It's a very strange mall.

Anyway, all of the handicapped parking spaces outside of Target were taken, so we ended up having to drive around to the other side of the mall to park.  We walked back through the mall towards the Target and there, in the plaza just outside the store entrance, was a long line of mothers waiting to have their children's pictures taken with what was quite possibly the scariest Easter bunny of all time. 

This was no Harvey.  Six feet tall and with a head vastly out of proportion to its body, this bunny apparently exuded some sort of evil aura that children under the age of six could all sense but parents were totally immune to.  It might have been the gigantic teeth this rabbit possessed.  They were at least six inches long.  I tried to take a picture of him but was waved off by the Easter bunny guards, who demand that you pay for said pictures or delete them, even if the bunny does not have any victims children at that particular moment.  I like you all, but I am a cheapskate.  So no pictures for you.

At any rate, we must have walked by this bunny at least three or four times and each time saw the same little tableau being played out on the Easter grass covered stage.  A mom, gritting her teeth in a strained approximation of a smile, was sitting on the cheery white bench and clutching a screaming, hysterical child who was madly windmilling their arms and legs in a desperate effort to escape.  Next to them both squatted the sinister Rabbit of Doom.  The slightest movement on his part would throw the child into new paroxysms of terror.

Connor and I decided NOT to get his picture taken with the Easter bunny.

So we came back home and Daddy brought out an Easter basket he'd brought home a little early for Connor.  Jer and I like those prepackaged Easter baskets because Connor normally doesn't eat any of the candy due to the whole not-chewing thing, which means we get to "help" him with it.  And by "help," I mean eat all of it.  Well, not THIS year!  I decided to see if maybe Connor would be okay with trying a sucker, and he went for it in a big way!  Not only did he repeatedly open his mouth for it, but after just a couple of minutes he actually started lunging for the candy.  He probably worked on it about five minutes-- just long enough to make his drool bright blue-- before deciding he was done and shaking his head "no" when we tried to give him more. 

So he can have all of the suckers now, which is perfectly fine as far as I'm concerned.  It's when he starts developing a taste for Twix bars that I'll be in trouble.



Mary said...

Every easter bunny costume ever is terrifying. Y'know why Harvey isn't terrifying? Because he's invisible. A 6-foot-tall rabbit is inherently horrifying to look at.

Speaking of which, y'know how my Starbucks is next door to a dry cleaners? I was carrying a full trash bag out to the dumpster tonight and walked past the dark dry cleaners... and there was the head of an easter bunny costume in the window staring out. D: D: D:


Mary said...

See? Always terrifying:

Anonymous said...

Last time I checked you can take as many pictures of whomever you want to in a public space, see paparazzi. Of course if mean security guards are mall cops then they are protecting the private property of the mall, depends on the situation at the time.

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