In Which Connor Sleeps In And We Acknowledge A Weird Anniversary

So today Connor slept in until almost two in the afternoon, which was kind of crazy.  I think this must have been one of his "catching up on sleep" days.  So we spent pretty much the whole day at the house.  I intended to try and get caught up on all of the housework that I've neglected while Connor hasn't been feeling well, but instead I mostly napped.  I kind of need to catch up on sleep too!

Otherwise I mostly spent the day making phone calls, setting up appointments, and making sure Connor has all of his paperwork for school ready.  Before I had Connor, I had absolutely no idea just how much time this sort of thing would take up-- updating his emergency files, keeping up with insurance referrals and making sure his prescriptions stay up to date is a full time job in itself.  I'm glad that I'm able to stay home and manage Connor's care; I think it would be pretty difficult to try and juggle working and taking care of the little guy, though I know a lot of families do it.

In other news, I was so frazzled by all the craziness going on last week that Jer and I completely forgot that August 11th was the two year anniversary of him getting blown up.  It's not like we celebrate the day or anything (think they make a Hallmark card for that-- Congratulations On Your Near-Death Experience or some such?) but I do think it's important to acknowledge it as a life-changing event.  Jeremy is doing extraordinarily well, I'm happy to say, and after a lot of hard work he's improved far beyond the doctors' prediction of what kind of function he might be likely to end up with.  Though he still walks with a noticeable limp, has difficulty on uneven terrain and after a busy day on his feet ends up with quite a bit of pain, he is able to do pretty much anything he sets his mind to-- even running, though he doesn't do that very often as it's not great for his feet.  He uses weightlifting to keep his body in tip-top shape so that his leg muscles are as strong as possible and he's not carrying around a lot of dead weight, so to speak, that would put more pressure on his feet.  This means that right now he looks a whole heck of a lot like a blue-eyed Vin Diesel. 

I don't really mind.  At all.

So the recovery process for him is over-- he's probably not going to continue to improve much after this, and his functionality is probably at its peak right now.  But hopefully a decade or two down the line technology and medical science will have improved enough that he'll have some good options when it comes to looking at replacement parts.

Maybe he can have robot feet. 

~Jess

In Which A Whole Bunch Of Things Happen

I found a cute picture of us at an army function a few months ago that I hadn't posted yet.  So I thought I'd put it up since I haven't bothered to get new batteries for the camera yet.  Sorry about that.

At about 7:00 this morning I got a knock on the door.  It was the delivery man with our last shipment of wood so that we can finish up the deck!  Jeremy is going to spend a good portion of tomorrow staining it so it'll be ready for assembly.  We're really happy that the project is almost finished; it should look beautiful when it's done. 

I also got a phone call from Olympic Pharmacy; Connor's new wheelchair should be ready in the next couple of days!  I'm so excited that he's getting his new chair, because he is seriously outgrowing his old one.  You can barely snap the lap belt closed anymore because he's so big.  His new chair is a Thevo Twist, (with red upholstery) and it is a seriously stylin' set of wheels!  It looks like it will be pretty comfortable for him, and with a carrying capacity of 88 pounds he's not likely to outgrow it any time soon.  Someday we hope he'll be able to use a wheelchair that he can move himself, but in the meantime this one will hopefully be pretty great!

As for Jeremy, well, he went on a battalion run this morning.  That's right.  A run.  How's that for awesome?  It's not something he'll probably do very often as it'll lower the life-expectancy of his ankle joints (currently predicted to be between 20 and 25 years) but the fact that he can do it at all is beyond amazing.  Not that I'm surprised.  Oh, and did I mention that he has an eight-pack now?  He's been working out twice a day for at least the past six months.  The man is looking more like Vin Diesel by the week. 

I don't really have a problem with that.

Oh, and last but not least, I believe Jer and I finally came to a decision tonight about which child we're going to be adopting.  I'm not sharing any details on here until we're officially matched by our agency, but I thought I'd let you all know that the news is coming.

And that was quite enough to cram into one day!

~Jess

In Which I Think About The Past Year

This time last year, I was writing about how well Connor was growing, cleaning our house, and how the little guy was taking to his new tricycle.  I had no idea last year on this day that in less than twenty-four hours my life would be completely turned on its head.

Tomorrow marks one year to the day since Jeremy's Stryker hit an IED in Afghanistan.

I knew of course when Jeremy deployed that there was a risk he would be severely injured or wouldn't make it home.  But he had only been gone two months out of a twelve month deployment, and I certainly didn't have any premonitions when I woke up on August 10th a year ago that it would be the last day of normalcy in my world for a long, long time.

But then I don't really do premonitions, because I had absolutely no idea anything was different about my pregnancy either, up until the fourth month when high levels on a blood test sent us down a path that ultimately revealed the child we would be having was a very different child from the one I'd been picturing in my head.

Isn't that the way life is, though?  I've gotten to the point where I don't try to speculate any more on what I'll be doing in a year, or two years, or ten years down the road.  If you'd asked me as an eighteen year old what I'd be doing now I would have told you something about finishing up my PhD and embarking on a career as a college English professor.  If you'd asked me last year, I would have told you that I'd be newly reunited with my husband after his year of deployment, and we'd probably be enjoying a brief vacation before he was off to six months worth of training at a post we would be unable to accompany him to. 

The thought that we'd be doing what we're doing today instead was nowhere on my radar.  And while quite frankly a whole lot of the past year was really truly horrific, some wonderful, awesome, also-unexpected things also happened.  Like watching my unbelievably determined, driven, amazing husband get back on his feet for the first time.  And experiencing the incredible generosity and selfless kindness of literally hundreds of people we would otherwise never have met.  And getting the chance to start down the road to adoption years earlier than we'd expected.  Pretty wonderful stuff-- and none of it anything I'd ever dreamed about doing.

I'm hoping that this time next year we'll be gearing up for our journey to Thailand in order to bring home our new daughter, that Jeremy will be firmly ensconced in training for his new job in the military, and that Connor will be his usual happy, excited self with some more great accomplishments under his belt.  But I'm not going to bet on it, because frankly my track record as far as predictions go hasn't been so hot.  I suggest not hiring me to do your horoscope. 

Wherever we are on this day next year-- whether or not it's where we expected to end up-- I'm sure it will be some place worth going.

~Jess

In Which Jeremy Walks Some More (Video)

It will be nine months tomorrow since Jeremy was injured in Afghanistan.  I can hardly believe it's been that long.  He's been able to bear weight on his feet for five months now, and look at the incredible progress he's made!  He's getting to the point where he's moving really well, and he's not having to use a cane any more at all.  I'm glad I've taken these videos, because you can see the incredible progress he's made.  Here he is in January:



And here he is today!



Pretty awesome, huh?

~Jess

Video: In Which Jeremy Walks With A Cane!

Before the video, I thought I'd give you a follow up on the gerbil debacle.  So Lili and I had a discussion earlier today (and if you don't think I would have a discussion with a gerbil you obviously haven't read a whole lot of this blog) and I am now mostly over the trauma of last night.  He was just doing what gerbils naturally do-- acting to prevent predators from finding the nest-- and while I'm not exactly used to seeing mini episodes of Planet Earth reenacted in my son's room, well, chalk this one up to a learning experience.  Of course gerbils are apparently also extremely territorial and will fight to the death if introduced to gerbils they weren't raised with, so Lili will have to be a solitary critter now.  I'll make an effort to keep him from being bored.  In return he promises to not mistake any of my fingers for dead gerbils.

And for goodness sake of course he had enough food and water.  After that whole earlier fiasco I've been a wee bit paranoid about that.

Um, anyway, moving on.  Jeremy has been doing a whole lot of cycling recently-- he has a bike now and since the weather has been beautiful he's been spending several hours a day out on the trails.  Today he found a tiny little bike rental place at the head of one of the trails he's been exploring, and since we have respite care tomorrow we're going to rent a bike for me and go out riding!  Provided the weather cooperates, of course-- it's pretty temperamental this time of year. 

Because Jeremy's been doing so much riding (and other physical activity) his balance has improved and he's looking great!  I badgered him into doing another video for me tonight as an apology to you all for the horrors of yesterday's post (be very, very glad I didn't include a picture with said post, by the way).  So without further ado, here he is!


Compare that to the last two videos.  Pretty amazing, huh?

~Jess

In Which I Come Full Circle

Today I had a dentist appointment.  I was a little bit nervous about it, given what happened the last time I went to this particular dentist office.  But it's been over six months now (can you believe it?) so it was time to go back.  I really liked the people there and the office is very conveniently located, so I went to the same dentist despite my rather unsettling memories of the last time I was there.  I felt, to some extent, like I was getting back up on the horse that threw me.

They remembered me, of course.  I get the feeling they haven't had too many patients get that sort of life-changing phone call in the middle of an appointment.  I had the same dental tech, but she put me in a different room and did her best to put me at ease, which I was grateful for.  I think I would have been a lot more uncomfortable sitting in the same chair as last time.

The new room was across the hall from the old one and featured a heated, massaging dental chair.  Cushy!  I set my purse, with my phone in it, on the windowsill.  It was on, of course.  Phone etiquette goes out the window when you have a kid with seizures like the ones Connor has.

Luckily the only call I had was from a good friend, and I didn't even need to pick it up because I've programmed my phone to give her a special ringtone.  The dental tech visibly tensed when it went off, because we'd been half-heartedly joking about what might happen in this appointment, but she laughed at herself when I told her everything was okay.  The only slight snag was when they gave me a hot towel to wipe down with (told you this was a cushy place) and I realized only after thoroughly wiping my face and hands that the towel was lavender scented.  Connor, of course, is deathly allergic to lavender and carries an EpiPen for it.  I didn't tell the dentist about that beforehand, of course, so it wasn't their fault.  Oh well-- I just ended up having to rinse off when I got home before touching the little guy or anything he might come into contact with.  But it was no big deal other than that things went without a hitch. 

So no cavities again for me-- which honestly I was a little surprised by given the sheer amount of chocolate therapy I've indulged in during the last six months-- and I've got some shiny, sparkly pearly whites.  Honestly it was a little weird and unsettling being back in that building with the same people who were there when I got the news, but I'm glad I went back.  I'll see them again in another six months.  No problem!

Though I think I'll stick to the room across the hall for now.

~Jess

In Which Jeremy Walks Without Crutches!

I thought you guys might want to see the incredible progress that Jeremy's been making!  So I forced him to do another video for you all.  Aren't I sweet? 

Here he is back on January 6th, for your comparison.  It's been almost exactly a month since I took that video, and the difference is astonishing.  He's been working extremely hard to rebuild muscle and improve his flexibility and balance; he's spending three to four hours at the gym six days out of the week and going to physical therapy three times a week on top of that. 

He's still uses the wheelchair whenever we'll be out and about for more than half an hour or so, or when there's uneven terrain or bad weather, but I wouldn't be surprised if by next month he's out of the wheelchair entirely given the rate he's going!

~Jess

In Which We Have Another Fantastic Day

We had such a great day today!

This morning Jeremy not only got back up onto his crutches, but he did an entire lap around the indoor track at the YMCA! The track is a sixth of a mile long, so it's quite an accomplishment, especially after getting up on the crutches for the first time only yesterday! The track was pretty crowded and we were really, really slow (it took about 35 minutes to make that lap). At first people simply ran around us without a word, but as we got closer to the finish line more and more people started slowing down and offering encouragement as they ran by. When we went by the balcony that overlooks the basketball court a guy down there started cheering for Jer and pumping his fist in the air. It was pretty cool.

I have to admit, I teared up a bit when Jeremy reached the finish line. It's been five long, long months, but he's back on his feet at last.

Of course we still have a long way to go-- right now Jer can get from the chair to the crutches, but not from the floor to the crutches as he has to build that muscle strength back up, so he needs a spotter right now as he wouldn't be able to get back up if he fell down. Also it hurts quite a bit to walk, as all of the scar tissue is stretching and his feet aren't used to taking the weight any more. And of course, perfectly level ground is needed right now as he has to get used a new way of balancing-- his left ankle doesn't swivel back and forth and more, so that means that he has to balance from his hips. But I have no doubt that he'll be switching to a cane in no time and who knows where he'll go from there?

And while that was already enough to make the day a fantastic one, it just got better from there! We met with Pam, Becky and Rhonda over at the new house to talk about things to come in the next few weeks. While we were there, the tilers were just finishing up the bathroom floors (they did both bathrooms in one day-- talk about hard workers!) and they look absolutely beautiful; I'll have to take some pictures to share with you when I get the chance. We talked about window treatments, furniture, the kitchen and master bathroom counter tops, lighting, and the faux painting that will be done on the oven hood and the ceiling of Connor's room! I swear every time I go over there it's like walking into a secret garden. I'm not watching a house being remodeled; I'm watching it bloom. Every week some new gorgeous detail unfolds, and I never know what I'm going to see when I walk through the door.

I can't wait to share it with you!

In Which Jer WALKS!

I don't have anything to add to this video.




I think it speaks for itself!

~Jess

In Which We Have a Day of Highs and Lows

This afternoon Jeremy, Connor and I drove up to the hospital where they did his surgeries for his big follow-up appointment. They took some x-rays and said that everything looks like it's doing well. Then they gave us some great news; Jer can start doing some weight bearing activities! They'd like him to start out in the pool. Once he's comfortable there and the doctors think he is ready he can move to the parallel bars, and from there he'll be able to move to crutches. Jeremy is fired up about getting in the pool-- I think it's going to be his new hobby. He used to run marathons, but those are sort of out now, so he's talking about taking up swimming as his cardiovascular activity of choice. All the pools he'd be using this time of year are indoors, so it's fine with me. Maybe Connor and I will join him sometimes! While it'll still probably be a good while before Jer is able to walk again, we're taking the next step towards him being back on his feet. That's a really exciting thing!

So we were totally stoked about this news, and while on the way home we decided to stop by our favorite sushi place in Puyallup to pick up some dinner as a treat. I left Jer and Connor out in the car and went in to get our food. I brought our yummy-smelling box back to the car, handed it to Jer, and was setting my purse in the front seat when Connor abruptly went very quiet and slumped over in his wheelchair. He was having another seizure.

This was one of the ones that we're used to seeing with him, in which he stops breathing and turns blue. I ran around the car, threw open the side door, unbuckled him and laid him down across the front seat. I only had to give him a couple of breaths before he started breathing again, though after I got him breathing the first time he stopped again a few seconds later and I had to give him a couple more. This seizure was really fast-- it maybe only lasted about half a minute or so, and the only trembling I saw was right after I'd gotten him to start breathing the first time-- his jaw quivered for a second and then he stopped breathing again and the motion stopped at the same time. He also showed no awareness at all, unlike the last two seizures when he was conscious and very obviously knew that something was going on (up until he stopped breathing, anyway).

While I'm glad that this seizure was a very short one and seemed to be about on par with his "usual" seizures, I am concerned about the fact that this one came only four days after the last one. We still haven't heard from the neurologist (don't get me started) so I'll be calling them again tomorrow morning and if I don't hear from them by Thursday I'll be making a trip down there. It's obvious that Connor's seizures are no longer controlled by his medication and it's imperative that we get this figured out as soon as possible. I'm sure they have a lot to do, and I know they are still within their "three business days" window to get back to me so according to the rules they haven't done anything wrong, but it's not like I'm calling about how Connor stubbed his toe or something. Maybe it's more of a priority in my mind than it is in theirs, as they probably have people calling in about seizures all the time, but I don't really care at the moment. I'm angry anyway. Oh well.

So all in all it was a roller coaster of a day. I have a plate of warm brownies, a good book, and a mug of hot cocoa sitting next to me right now though, so at least it's ending on a good note!

~Jess

In Which Jeremy Has A Busy Day

It was a very busy day today-- a variety of events and meetings kept us running around all over the place. Jeremy had his initial "what the heck are we going to do with you while you are healing" meeting, and we talked about a few different options, including him taking some online classes in the pursuit of a post baccalaureate degree or possibly working at the Warrior Transition Unit.

For those of you not familiar with the Warrior Transition Unit (WTU), let me give you a brief explanation. When a soldier is injured and they can no longer perform their assigned duties, they are assigned to the WTU in order to focus on the recovery process until they are healed, at which time they either go back to their original job, transfer to a new job, or are medically retired with a severance package. They would give Jer a temporary job that he would be able to perform in his current condition. Now that we have an idea of some of the options Jeremy has, he'll do some research and make a decision as to what he thinks the best path is going to be for the next few months. I think right now he's leaning towards doing some additional schooling; we'll just have to see.

This evening we went to a meeting for the families of the deployed soldiers in Jer's unit. One of Jeremy's commanding officers was back here on leave and gave the spouses a chance to ask questions and hear about how their soldiers are doing. At the meeting, Jeremy was awarded a Bronze Star for his actions in Afghanistan! He has already received a Purple Heart and an Army Commendation Medal with Valor for his time over there, so this was a pleasant surprise for him.

I am, as always, proud!

~Jess

In Which I Update You All On Jer's Medical Status And Show You A Gratuitous Photo Of Our Cats

Our cats spend a whole lot of time pretending like they absolutely can't stand each other. Then every once in a while we find them like this.

They like to keep us guessing, I think. Crazy cats.

On a completely different topic: Jeremy's physical therapist came to the house again today. He pronounced Jer's right ankle rotation to be much improved, which is great! The man's been working hard at his rotation exercises.

Here's an update on how he's doing:

He's starting to get a little bit of feeling back in the graft site along the bottom edge. He describes it as sort of a "springy" sensation. His feet and ankles have complete feeling except for a couple of "dead" spots on his left foot. He can make pretty decent ovals (he's getting slowly closer to circles) with the right ankle, and while the left ankle will never make full circles again he can move it up and down. His toes have regained full flexibility on the right side, and on the left they continue to slowly improve, though the big toe remains relatively stiff.

The holes left from the wires are all scabbed over and are healing well, and all of his incision sites have fully closed and look great! He lost a good bit of the fat pad off his left foot, so he may have some difficulty standing on hard surfaces with that side, but the right one is a little more intact. He has mostly new skin now on his feet and the graft site has filled in-- it's baby-soft, which is kind of funny-- and it's lost that lizardy look it had due to the perforations they'd made to stretch out the skin before they stapled it on.

He's had no trouble with his spine-- the fracture should be fully healed by now, so hopefully it won't ever cause him to have issues in the future. The oversensitive nerves in his feet are much improved, though that and the changes in circulation still cause him issues if he has his feet in a totally lowered position for more than a couple minutes. He's slowly building up a tolerance, though-- leaving his feet in a lowered position for longer and longer each day, so hopefully by the time he's cleared to weight bear again his feet will be able to handle the circulation changes.

Despite losing the outer calf muscle on the left leg, he's able to move that leg well. Hopefully there won't be too much of a difference as far as muscle strength goes as the inner calf muscle can compensate, but we won't know until he's weight bearing again if that's the case.

He's slowly working down off the heavy pain medication, and overall his pain is very well-managed. He's having to take very little break-through medication, though we've been told to expect that to change once he begins more intensive therapy.

Several of you have asked for pictures of Jer's injuries, and while he has his boots on right now I'll take some pictures tomorrow when he's got them off for therapy. They really look much better than you'd think-- his feet aren't that swollen any more, and while the scarring is impressive, his donor graft site is still an angry red, and his calf muscle has an interesting contour to it now, otherwise things look surprisingly good.

He has an appointment in the first week of December with the orthopedic surgeon, and we're hoping at that time they'll clear him to begin some weight bearing activities. He'll probably start with weight bearing exercises in a swimming pool and they'll work up from there. By then he'll have been totally non-weight bearing for nearly four months. It's still possible that they'll tell him he needs to continue to stay off one (probably the left) or both of his feet for up to two more months, but he seems to be healing up really well so with any luck they'll clear him to start learning to walk again.

I'll keep you all posted!

~Jess

In Which Our Lives Change

The events in this post happened yesterday, but I wanted to wait for word to get out to extended family before I put it up here. I'll be updating you as we get more information.

I am sitting in a dentist chair today, having my teeth cleaned. I don't care for the dentist-- the drills, the gritty paste-- never have, and my experience today probably isn't going to make me like them any more, but that's beside the point. I am sitting there having my teeth cleaned and chatting with the dental tech (28 years old, two kids, one of five siblings, grew up in Olympia) when my phone buzzes in my back pocket. It's a 718 area code: one I haven't seen before, but I answer it because of Connor. Not even thinking of Jeremy-- thinking it might be one of Connor's doctors, because they have cell phone numbers from odd places sometimes.

"This is the Department of the Army," the nasal-voiced woman says. "We are calling to inform you that your soldier has been seriously injured in Afghanistan. They will be airlifting him to Germany."

Numb. Numb and a little sick and the lights overhead are making me dizzy.

"They were able to save his legs. Both his ankles are fractured and there are other injuries to his feet. We'll be calling you when we have more information. You'll be receiving phone calls three times a day to update you on your soldier's condition. He is conscious and stable at this time."

The dental assistant is listening to my end of the conversation. I'm repeating things like a robot. Germany. Saved his legs. Fractured ankles. Updates. She takes off her mask and leaves the room.

It was an IED. An IED hit his Stryker and blew up and tried to take his legs with it. And the first thought in my head, the first crazy thought that hits, is "How the fuck am I going to fit two wheelchairs into the trunk of our car?" And then I think "Well, thank God I didn't marry him for his feet," and then I have to choke back hysterical laughter and blink very quickly for a moment behind the sunglasses they have for me to wear because this is one of those upscale dentist offices with granite counter tops in the bathroom where they give you not just a toothbrush as you leave, but a little plastic travel pouch with toothpaste and floss and mouthwash and a business card that says "Have a Nice Day."

The woman from the Department of the Army with a nasal voice gives me a 1-800 number to call and hangs up and I'm left with a phone still pressed to my ear, my other hand in a fist pressed to my forehead, trying to figure out how to breathe again. The dental assistant comes back and tells me that I can come in some other time, no problem, that she'll make me another appointment but I tell her no, let's just clean my teeth, let's just do it because I don't know when I'll get another chance to come in. My voice sounds okay. A little tight, but okay, and they can't see my eyes behind the sunglasses.

So they do. The dentist comes in and says he's heard and he's so sorry and did I know that I have beautiful incisors? And he scraps away at my teeth and chatters on about nothing while I do my best to think about nothing too. Because nothing would be better than what I have to think about.

I drive back to Anna's house and pick up Connor. The Rear Detachment Commander is waiting there for me with red-rimmed eyes. He takes me into the back room and tells me what he knows, which is pretty much what the Department of the Army woman knew but he at least says it like it means something. I wonder how many people you have to call with that sort of information before it doesn't mean anything any more. Checking names and body parts off a list.

And somewhere between picking up Connor and driving home something shifts inside my head and I'm locked into my crisis mode, the place I go whenever something horrible is happening, the place where nothing short of death is going to make me lose it. I've got too many balls to juggle to be able to fall apart. I've done this so many times before with Connor that I'm able to function and put everything else aside in a little box to open later. I can talk without my voice shaking and even make jokes and schedule appointments and wash dishes and do what needs to be done for as long as I need to do it.

And later that afternoon our phone rings, our house phone and not the cell phone, and I think for a moment that no one is there on the other end. Then Jer's voice comes on the line, scratchy and muzzy with pain medication, and I know that no matter what the next few months bring everything will be okay. Jeremy is alive. He'll be undergoing surgery in Germany to reconstruct his shattered heels, and he has two broken ankles, multiple fractures to his feet and lacerations on his legs, but he's alive and he knows who we are and he's still all there, my husband, no matter what his legs look like. We'll cram two wheelchairs into our car somehow, and we'll go through surgery and physical therapy and occupational therapy and doctor's appointments. We'll do what needs to be done.

I know we have a long road ahead of us, but it's a road we'll travel together.

Thank God for that.


~Jess

photo credit goes to Lucie of LZH Photography