In Which I Think About The Past Year

This time last year, I was writing about how well Connor was growing, cleaning our house, and how the little guy was taking to his new tricycle.  I had no idea last year on this day that in less than twenty-four hours my life would be completely turned on its head.

Tomorrow marks one year to the day since Jeremy's Stryker hit an IED in Afghanistan.

I knew of course when Jeremy deployed that there was a risk he would be severely injured or wouldn't make it home.  But he had only been gone two months out of a twelve month deployment, and I certainly didn't have any premonitions when I woke up on August 10th a year ago that it would be the last day of normalcy in my world for a long, long time.

But then I don't really do premonitions, because I had absolutely no idea anything was different about my pregnancy either, up until the fourth month when high levels on a blood test sent us down a path that ultimately revealed the child we would be having was a very different child from the one I'd been picturing in my head.

Isn't that the way life is, though?  I've gotten to the point where I don't try to speculate any more on what I'll be doing in a year, or two years, or ten years down the road.  If you'd asked me as an eighteen year old what I'd be doing now I would have told you something about finishing up my PhD and embarking on a career as a college English professor.  If you'd asked me last year, I would have told you that I'd be newly reunited with my husband after his year of deployment, and we'd probably be enjoying a brief vacation before he was off to six months worth of training at a post we would be unable to accompany him to. 

The thought that we'd be doing what we're doing today instead was nowhere on my radar.  And while quite frankly a whole lot of the past year was really truly horrific, some wonderful, awesome, also-unexpected things also happened.  Like watching my unbelievably determined, driven, amazing husband get back on his feet for the first time.  And experiencing the incredible generosity and selfless kindness of literally hundreds of people we would otherwise never have met.  And getting the chance to start down the road to adoption years earlier than we'd expected.  Pretty wonderful stuff-- and none of it anything I'd ever dreamed about doing.

I'm hoping that this time next year we'll be gearing up for our journey to Thailand in order to bring home our new daughter, that Jeremy will be firmly ensconced in training for his new job in the military, and that Connor will be his usual happy, excited self with some more great accomplishments under his belt.  But I'm not going to bet on it, because frankly my track record as far as predictions go hasn't been so hot.  I suggest not hiring me to do your horoscope. 

Wherever we are on this day next year-- whether or not it's where we expected to end up-- I'm sure it will be some place worth going.

~Jess