Saturday, June 26, 2010

In Which I Get A New Cell Phone And Use It For Nefarious Purposes

Jake and I worked on the deck again this morning while Connor and Jeremy hung out together.  We got the sill plate on today and some of the jousts, so it's coming along!  I'll post a picture of the progress we made this weekend tomorrow so you can see where we are.  As we move further along on the framing, it's easier to visualize what the deck will look like when it's finished.  It's really neat to see something that I drew out on paper take shape on our house!  Hopefully it'll look as good as I imagined.

I've been playing around with my new cell phone this week.  My poor, much-abused ex-cell phone finally bit the dust, and since it's absolutely essential that I have a cell phone because of Connor's seizures, we set out to get a new one that was as indestructible as possible.  This is important because I tend to do things like toss my cell out of canoes, accidentally throw it across the parking lot (hey-- I'd just put on hand lotion, okay?), and other lovely destructive things.

The model I ended up with is touted as having "rugged military design," and the salesman assured me that I could throw it against the wall without it being a problem.  This phone is a Very Serious phone.  It spends a lot of time working out, and didn't do very well in school.  It looks like I could beat people with it.  Mostly I plan to just use it to place phone calls, though.

I also got one of those little wireless earpieces for it, purportedly so that I can talk on my cell phone in the car, but actually so that I can walk around and mess with people.

Basically my plan is to use it as a prop to walk around, say, the mall and hold one-sided conversations on bizarre topics.  No one will actually be on the other end of the line, of course, but it's impossible to tell with those things so it should work out just fine.  I will stage messy breakups with my imaginary boyfriend because he does not know the difference between "your" and "you're" and bought me a nose hair remover for my birthday.  I will order extremely weird things from mail-order companies.  I will tell stories that involve a lot of animal noises.  I will do my very best to hold these conversations around people who are actually having private conversations on their cell phones in public areas-- especially if they are in the bathroom.  I will also make sure to take the stall next to them and flush the toilet multiple times.

This idea was inspired by a woman in the checkout line in front of me at one of our local stores who was screaming at her boyfriend Roger (and by proxy, me, the checker, the bagger, the three other customers in line and a number of passing people) for choosing a career (before he met her, mind you) that would cause him to travel out of the country and thus away from her, and if he got on that plane to England they were Over, with a capital 'O,' and Frank still wanted to take her back so he better make his choice quickly because she wasn't going to wait around for him and there were plenty of men out there who would snap her up in a second.  By the time she was finished paying and stomped out of the store, I (along with probably the rest of the captive listeners) was really hoping Roger would get on the plane. 

If I'd had my little wireless earpiece with me, I could totally have drowned her out with moose calls.  Or at least told my imaginary caller that I would get back in touch with them because I was standing in line and didn't want to be rude by talking on my phone while checking out. 

The joys of technology!



spherescamp said...

I do that same thing with the bluetooth thingie that connects my cell phone to my hearing aids. It just sits around my neck and I'm chatting away about something usually inane (like calling home to see if we need ice) while sitting on the train. The looks on people's face are absolutely priceless when they can't figure out what I'm doing.
Have fun with the phone!

Herding Grasshoppers said...


Teal said...

Jess, You are hilarious! I don't know if you know me and I can't even remember if I've ever commented before, but I'm Teal Moran, married to Dan Moran. I started following your blog when I heard about Jeremy. Dan was actually going to be in the DC area soon after Jeremy was injured and had big plans to visit him, but Jeremy was out (sounds like jail)too soon and they missed each other. Just wanted to let you know that I stalk your blog, and LOVE it. Keep it up girl! You're an inspiration. (Sorry to say that b/c I hate it when people say that to me when I'm just doing the things that need to be done for the people I love!) Ok, enough blabbering, just wanted to say hi!

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