In Which I Demonstrate The Art Of Falling

 

I'm wasting no time getting into roller derby shape!

So today I took a trip up to visit Fast Girl Skates, which is the first brick-and-mortar roller derby store in the world.  Lucky for me, it just happens to be in Seattle!  I dropped my car off to have the oil changed across the street (scoring an easy parking space at the same time, which is a rare thing in the wheelchair van) and walked over.  One of the proprietors, Morty (who was extremely nice and is an awesome derby girl to boot) fitted me for skates and hooked me up with a set of beginner's gear.  I walked out with a full kit, complete with a set of nifty black Sure-Grip Rebels (size 8 in mens-- I have huge feet) and a shiny new helmet in cherry red (the only color they had in XS-- I have a tiny head) and was rarin' to go.

I am about six inches taller than Jeremy in skates, by the way.  I feel like an Amazon.  It's awesome.

As soon as I got home I switched out my indoor wheels (bright pink!) for my outdoor set (bright blue!) and strapped on all my protective gear, which I had a feeling was going to see a lot of use.  My neighborhood had rough sidewalks and a whole lot of really steep hills, which is pretty much a recipe for disaster when you've been up on roller skates maybe four times since you were twelve.  I sort of figure that if I can learn how to skate in that sort of terrain, though, a flat track should be no sweat.  Jeremy took a picture of me geared up (though somehow he neglected to get my skates in the picture) and I took off. 

Or rather, I got about three feet down our steep, pebbly, curving front walk and then ate it. 

The next half an hour was an exercise to see how evenly I could distribute bruises to all parts of my body.  I have discovered that I have a natural, hidden talent for falling down; I do it easily and effortlessly.  I believe I invented at least six new ways to become extremely intimate with the asphalt before I'd rounded the first corner (which was, of course, a sharp turn at the end of another long, steep, bumpy curve of sidewalk).  Most of my truly spectacular falls were directly in front of neighbors or preadolescent boys.  The neighbors all looked concerned and vaguely disgruntled at the sight of a woman who was obviously pushing thirty staggering around on roller skates and throwing herself face-first at various hard surfaces.  The boys all thought I was hilarious.

But I had a fantastic time and I plan to go out tomorrow while Connor is in school to a flatter surface in order to get some practice that doesn't involve falling down.  Not that I won't get some of that in; I still have several inches of skin left not currently sporting bruises that I need to cover.  I also plan to stop by the store to get some duct tape; I'm already doing a number on the toes of my skates, thanks to the number of times I've skidded across the cement.  But I'm having an absolute blast, and my only regret is that I didn't discover roller derby sooner so that I would have skating skills by now and could already be playing. 

Maybe I should get a part time job as a carhop.  Juggling someone else's food on roller skates would probably cure me of that falling habit really quickly.

~Jess