So this is it! Tomorrow, after two years of waiting, I'll finally be stepping on a plane for Thailand.
I'm so very excited and terrified, all at the same time.
I'm going to do my very best to post regular updates on here as we travel through Thailand. I won't be able to blog tomorrow evening as I'll be over an ocean somewhere (it's a long flight), but hopefully after that I'll be able to find some Internet access and a power converter, and I'll keep you posted if I can. If I'm not able to blog, I'll try and pass along information through my family.
If this was a Lifetime movie and not reality, in just a few days Ellen would run into Jeremy and my arms while sappy music played, Connor would magically show up from somewhere stage left despite actually being on another continent, and then we'd all walk off into the sunset together. But things don't happen that way in real life.
Real life is messy. Real life is heartbreaking and wonderful and confusing all at the same time. And there's no simple happy ending to this story. Life doesn't like neat, tidy packages, and Ellen isn't going to magically fit into a slot in our family like she's always been here. We know there will be some bumps along the way.
But that's okay. Because while life is messy and complicated and tragic sometimes, it's also filled with moments that make it worthwhile-- moments that are more awe inspiring and incredible than we ever could have imagined. And while this adoption-- or any adoption, for that matter-- will probably not be easy by any stretch of the imagination, I also think it's going to bring us some of the very best moments of our lives.
We aren't going to fit her into a neat slot in our family. Instead, I hope that we'll all grow into one another, stretching and bending and giving each other grace until gradually we all find a new place together. And we'll give Ellen time to find her way to us, and not be disappointed if it takes a little while. We'll leave our hearts wide open and the porch lights on. When she's ready, she'll step inside.
Welcome home, daughter. We'll see you soon.
4 weeks ago