Monday, November 2, 2009

In Which A Kid'll Eat Ivy Too-- Wouldn't You?

This morning David, Connor and I all piled in the car, leaving Jer finishing up his breakfast, and after stopping to drop Connor off at school we drove to the new house to start work. There we spent the next two and a half hours weeding. We almost finished the sidewalk in front of the house.

There are a lot of weeds.

And not just any weeds. There are dandelions the size of my head-- the kind with the super spiky leaves so there's no possible way to get at them without leaving sizable holes in your palms. There are vines that have tangled themselves up in the bushes and while you start off thinking that you are going to be pulling up eight separate plants they turn out to be one giant plant with a network of roots running eight feet in all directions. There are blackberry bushes with stems thicker than my thumb in some of the areas we haven't gotten to yet.

And then there's the ivy.

The ivy bed is somewhere between 50 and 60 feet long, and it's about eight feet wide. Trust me when I say that pictures do not do it justice. It's three feet deep in some places-- a network of woody stems that have totally choked off everything else except for the aforementioned blackberry monsters and some particularly hardy salal. And once we finish the backyard, and the rest of the front yard, this ivy will become my personal hell for the next two weeks.

David is suggesting we use a machete. Jer wants to use a blowtorch or a chainsaw. Connor doesn't seem to have an opinion on the ivy-- he's much more interested in the cars driving by.

I think we need a goat.

I mean, think about it. Goats eat both English Ivy and blackberries. We could just stake him out in the middle of the hill and let him go to town! And while a diet strictly of ivy probably wouldn't be terribly good for him, if he gets bored with it we could sic him on the grass growing out of the lava rock by the curb. When he's not eating the ivy, he could pull Connor's wheelchair around for me like a little chariot. And if anyone objects to him, we could just drop him off at their house at night and he could eat their prize rose bushes. You know, a drive-by-goating!

Though once we ran out of ivy I don't know what he'd eat. The cats, probably. Or possibly the house. Also their eyes kind of freak me out. So now that I think about it maybe a goat isn't a good idea.

Guess I'm stuck with the clippers.



Laura aka Mama Ham said...

Yes Yes Yes, a goat is just what you need! That would make for some good blogging! I love your reading your blog! Have a great day!

Julia O'C said...

After reading this post, I'm wondering if Ivy fumes make one giddy? You are TOO FUNNY!!!

Tom said...

Mares eat oats
and Does eat oats
and little Lambs eat Ivy
A Kid'll eat Ivy too
Wouldn't you!

Joy said...

careful what you ask for Jess... you just might end up with someone delivering a goat. lol

gloria said...

Oooo. Drive-by-goating. That sounds like next year's Halloween prank vs burning hay bales in the middle of Melber's ONE four way stop. Living in the country is never dull. We miss yall! Post more pics of Connor!

Julia said...

We have a wee ivy problem ourselves -- and every year I swear that I'm going to wait until after a few frosts when the foliage is dead and the roots are at their weakest, and just haul the whole darn mass out of there. But of course that's exactly when we're at our busiest, on an academic year. So it never happens. I'm siding with Jeremy; go for a flame-thrower.

Anonymous said...


Interesting how you often talk yourself out of something here on the blog.

Methinks thou protests too much.

You are looking forward to destroying the ivy admit it.

You've used a chainsaw before, haven't you?

I'm glad the cure for lavender allergy is NOT ingesting ivy.

Bet you are, too.

littleterr said...

Bless David's heart! He is one really true friend. Willingly pulling weeds and also sleeping on your futon for a week with Lokey and Cricket running amuck...does he get a massage at week's end?

Snyder said...


Cathy said...

Oh Jess. I am sooo tempted to bring you what you ask for. We have plenty of them you know. Ivy isn't really that good for them, but I could let them run amok in the neighborhood and in your back yard.
I'd deliver the whole mess of them to you if the stock trailer didn't have 100 bales of hay in it right now.
Emily would love to share her goats with you and Connor.
You had better keep an eye out for our truck!

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