Wednesday, March 30, 2011

In Which I Do Not Have The Best Of Days

No phone call today.

So I'm kind of divided into two parts right now.  The logical, rational part of me has made a list of why I haven't yet received a phone call about Ellen, and why this may actually be a good thing.  The list goes like this:

1) It's the liaison's first day back in the office.  She's got a ton of catch-up work waiting for her and has to organize all of the new stuff she picked up on the kids before she makes her calls.
2) There are a whole bunch of other families-- all of whom want to hear about their kids just as much as we do-- who probably all called her the second the office opened and want to talk for an hour apiece with her to squeeze every little bitty detail they can about their kid from her brain.  Her phone was probably ringing off the hook all day.
3) Last time we were the first family she called because she had bad news for us.  So logically if we didn't get a phone call right off the bat it means that our news is good news.
4) She knows that we're understanding of her position and we're not going to freak out on her and file a whole bunch of complaints or something if she doesn't give us the news this second, so she'll call all the families who aren't quite so understanding and share stuff with them so they don't all explode or something.
5) It's not like the adoption agency is deliberately holding back information to torture me or something.  They are extremely efficient, nice people who care deeply about these children and will let us know how the trip went as soon as they possibly can.

See?  Logical.  Rational.  It makes perfect sense.

And then there's the other part of me.  This part does not make lists.  This is the part that is currently urging me to go grab a sleeping bag, set up camp outside the adoption agency's doorway, and refuse to leave until I have new pictures and video and have gotten every last little bit of information I possibly can.    

Oh, and I should get it all right now, and all the other families can just wait.  The fact that there are (hopefully) pictures and video and new information about Ellen a mere twenty minute drive away from me and I don't have access to them right this very second is just killing me.  I had to force myself to leave the house so that I would not check my e-mail literally every three minutes (guess what I'm doing while I'm writing this?).  I lunged for my cell phone every time it went off and was irrationally angry when the person on the other end of the line was not my adoption agency.   

Oh, and also Connor had his first seizure in eight days.  So between that and going absolutely insane over the whole adoption thing, you can guess how much I enjoyed the day.

I really didn't expect myself to have this much trouble waiting for my update on Ellen, and I'm wondering what the heck I'm going to look like when we're actually counting down to traveling.  I'm imagining it's not going to be pretty.  Luckily right now the logical part of me is winning out.   Barely.  I'd imagine that me chaining myself to the adoption agency's door and holding a vigal until I get pictures wouldn't really give them the impression that I'd be a particularly wonderful parent.

But dang it, I want them now!



Julia O'C said...

While I obviously don't know exactly how you feel, I can try to imagine. And I imagine that I would be losing my mind!!!

I hope you hear [good stuff...lots of good stuff] today.

leah said...

I really hope they call soon! I can't imagine the waiting. When you get close to traveling, we'll all send you chocolate to see you through the waiting period. I doubt it will help much, but at least you'll be waiting with chocolate instead of just waiting...

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