In Which We Say Goodbye To Sylvie

We got a call from the adoption agency today.

They've been over in Thailand the past couple of weeks gathering updates on all of the waiting children in the various orphanages and foster homes around the country.  We were expecting a call from our adoption coordinator any day now, giving us news about how Sylvie is doing and hopefully providing us with some answers to a few of the questions about her health, development, preferences etc. we'd sent over for them to ask the social worker.  We received that call today, but it wasn't the news we'd expected.

In a few weeks, Sylvie's adoptive parents will be arriving to pick her up and take her home.  They won't be us.

Apparently an adoption agency in another country had also matched Sylvia with a family, and they've been working steadily towards her adoption for well over a year now.  The Thailand government simply failed to inform our adoption agency that they'd already found a match, and so apparently the child we've been working towards this whole time has been spoken for probably since before we started the adoption process.  It's apparently extremely rare for something like this to happen, but we were aware it could be an issue (though the odds of it occurring when the child in question is older and has special needs are slim to none).  So where does that leave us?

Well, pretty disappointed and saddened, for one.  Since we'd been matched on this side of the water I'd relaxed a little and allowed myself to start thinking about Sylvie in terms of when she would get here and not if.  Obviously that was a mistake.  It's very odd because in some ways I feel like I've suffered a loss similar to a miscarriage-- and I've had several of those so I know how they feel-- but at the same time the child I'm mourning is still very much alive.  Not only that, but her situation in the next few months will be greatly improved; she'll be with a family and receiving the love and care she needs instead of waiting in the orphanage for another year.  Certainly it's better for her to have a family now instead of spending another year in institutional care.  This is by far the best situation for her, but that doesn't mean I don't feel pretty sad that she's going to be somebody else's and not ours. 

Jer and I have discussed it and we definitely want to continue forging ahead in the adoption process.  We know there's another child out there waiting who would fit our family just as well as Sylvie would have.  Our home study, thankfully, is written in general terms; we're approved for a single child or sibling group with moderate special needs up to the age of nine.  The Thailand adoption coordinator is compiling all the new data they received about the waiting children in the program, and as soon as she has it completed she'll send us an updated list so we can start the process of being matched with a child over again.  We'll continue to put our dossier paperwork together in the meantime, so we can quickly jump into things once we have a new child in mind.  So once the packet of waiting children arrives I'll take a deep breath, be happy for Sylvie, and start looking at all those eager, heartbreaking little faces again. 

We'd sent a stuffed owl over with the adoption agency to give to Sylvie while they were there.  They didn't get the chance to see her, but I hope they were able to give the owl to the social worker to pass on to her, even though we won't be her family.  I'd like to think that even though she'll never know we existed, she'll carry a bit of the love we've felt for her with her as she travels to her future home and starts her exciting new adventure.

Here's to you, Sylvie.

~Jess