Saturday, November 6, 2010

In Which I Go To The Emergency Room

So I had my first skating-related trip to the Emergency Room last night. 

It was really weird being in the ER for me instead of Connor.  For one thing, they made me wait.  This is not my usual experience.  Whenever we come in with Connor we have a room immediately after walking in and one or more doctors are usually in the room less than two minutes later.  So I'd never actually seen the waiting room of our local hospital before.  They have a pretty nice TV.

Anyway, so I was down at the local skating rink getting some good time on wheels in before next week's practice.  I was wearing my knee pads, elbow pads, tailbone protector and wrist guards, but I'd neglected to put in my mouth guard or wear my helmet since I was already wearing way, way more protection than the typical person wears at a skating rink and was getting some funny looks.

This particular skating time is right after the kid's speed skating team finishes up their practice, so there were little kids all over the rink with those giant inline speed skates on.  Have you seen those things?  They're pretty crazy looking.  Anyway, there were several boys between the ages of seven and nine with these things on, and they seemed to believe that having these skates on meant that the rules didn't apply to them and they were whizzing around the rink, chasing each other and weaving in and out of people. 

One of these kids decided that it would be a good idea to skate in the opposite direction from everyone else.  So here I was, minding my own business when this small blur on wheels was suddenly skating directly towards me at top speed.  I was boxed in by a little girl on my left who was doing that adorable little skate-stomping thing that toddler kids on skates do, and on the right by a really big guy who was really shaky on his skates.  The kid on the speed skates realized that he can't get through us and so decided to do a hockey stop, which now meant he was skidding towards me sideways on his skates.  I figured the quickest way to stop without taking him out was to go down on a knee, which had the desired effect except that my momentum carried the rest of me over said knee and I ended up bouncing off face-first off the rink.

So I got up and shot the kid a look, which was probably pretty effective given the fact that blood was pouring out of my mouth.  My teeth went through my bottom lip, and those sorts of things bleed pretty impressively.  I was sort of lisping when I asked where the bathroom was, and left a lovely trail on their floor as I headed back to the corner to get cleaned up.  I believe I traumatized several small children in the process.

Anyway, so since I'd managed to bite completely through my lip and it was gaping open rather impressively I figured I'd drive over to the local ER and see if I needed anything done to it.  After a pleasant ten minutes or so of admiring the TV in their waiting room (it's a private hospital or I'm sure it would have been about three hours) I was taken back and the doctor glued my lip together and sent me on my way.

Jeremy was disappointed when I got home that my patched-up lip was not more impressive looking.  He was apparently hoping that it would scar more and enhance my roller derby reputation.  He suggested I tell people that I "got in a bar fight."  Nice to know he's so concerned for my well being.  

The good (or bad news, if you're talking to Jeremy) is that lips heal extremely quickly due to good blood circulation, so by this morning (when I took that picture) my lip was only slightly swollen and it looked less like I'd bitten through it and more like I had a canker sore.  By early evening the glue had done its work and fallen off, and I'm relatively sure by Monday when I have roller derby practice again it will be completely gone and if I tell anyone about it I'll sound like my grandfather used to when discussing the fish he caught ("no really, we could use the scales for dinner plates, I swear!").

But despite my disappointing lack of scarring and/or serious bodily injury, I don't intend to repeat the performance to see if I can attain a better result.  Next week I'll be the only skater out on the local rink rolling around in full protective gear. 

I may not like getting those funny looks, but I like keeping all my teeth better!

~Jess

7 comments:

Amy Genn said...

Oh my goodness! Well, consider yourself 'christened' or 'hazed' or 'initiated'. Take your pick! LOL

I, too, had never had to wait in the waiting room, because we typically arrive with Eli via ambulance...but Labor Day weekend he ended up with a little penis issue, and we had to wait like 45 minutes! I was glad for it though. Way better than thinking my son is going to die in front of me!

I'm having fun getting to know you...can't wait to come see you skate someday!

Amy in Yakima

Elizabeth said...

Oh, gosh. Like my sons always ask, "did you cry?" If not, you're a brave soul. I hope you continue to heal quickly and get back on the horse soon.

Rosemary said...

Glad you are ok! Do remember that a helmet is always the first piece of safety gear. Head injuries are scary.

leah said...

I'm glad you're OK- a little bruised and swollen, but OK! Maybe you could use a little left-over Halloween makeup to help enhance the gore and increase your reputation among the rest of the roller derby folks.

Also, I looked up the price on those inline speed skates- YIKES! Those 7-9 year olds must be REALLY into their sport- those skates are expensive. But I digress...

Julia O'C said...

Oh, OUCH! I hope that kid was kicked out of the rink.

SO...since you're acquiring derby scars, how about Scar-a-lotte Bronte for your derby name? ;)

Terena said...

I'd wear full protective gear around kids on skates. We all should.

Now you can say to the other derby girls, "I'm so bad, I bit through my own lip."

Wherever HE Leads We'll Go said...

Wow! You are a brave woman! I would have cried like a baby and then quit going to the derby (of course I never would have started, but still). So glad that things are healing up nicely!

 
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